This is a picture of, well, a kinda smiley sun-face thing. All that I ask is that you take a moment to look
at it and see if it makes you feel anything. If it speaks to you, it is art. This may sound like a
large collection of spherical objects, arranged into a rough pyramid, but that's what the art world likes,
I believe. How else can we explain that girl who embroidered a tent with the names of everyone she'd ever
slept with. Remarkably, there was more than the name of blind Spaniel on the tent. I really can't think
how or why.
Another picture created with coloured pencils during my school days, this is a foot. Not twelve inches, more like
10½. This is all well and good. It's one of my feet, you can see that. The really interesting thing about this picture, to me at
least, is what happens if you turn it into a
nagative. Click here to discover what that looks like!
Not created with coloured pencils, but rather with fabric paints, this fishy offering was done on a T-shirt
for Judith (my ex-girlfriend) for a birthday a few years ago, and has stood-up well to its many washings and ironings since.
I use French Elbetex fabric paints, which should be available from any good art supplies shop.
Towards the end of my days at secondary school, before I went off to 6th-form,
I moved away from pencil drawing and experimented with painting on a much larger scale. I used wooden boards of various shapes and sizes to
work on, and still have some of them in the attic of my fathers home. I hope. He might have chucked them out by now, of course.
The orange-coloured picture, glimpsed at the bottom right, is also one of mine. The space theme was one I revisited repeatedly.
A Boy and his Box Brownie...ish
I've used my digital camera for creative stuff, as well as the 'mainstream' pictures you can find on
my
Naked Photo Album page. Here are some edited images I've had a lot of fun with.
I am available for commercial work... go on...please.
As used for some of my Christmas 2000 Christmas Cards, (yes, I make my own. It's up to you if you
choose to view that in a poor light or not) this image I called Cycle-Path. It's a reduced colour set negative
picture of my mountain bike on a path (which leads to the lovely house on my
Sofa of Fun
page) taken on a wet and windy day in November 2000.
I found a picture of Lord Kitchener on the net, and it occurred to me he looked like he was calling for new members of the
famous 'not entirely heterosexual' band, The Village People, rather than the vague BRITONS of the original World War 1 poster.
I mean, just look at that tash. There is no other explanation I can think of for face topiary of that scale, other than a portable declaration that
you once upset your mum with some news, which in her heart of hearts you believe she knew anyway.
Me, during a cheery moment in a churchyard. It was halfway through 2001, July 1st.
While this picture hasn't been 'enhanced' like some of the others on this page, it has been made grey-scale
(to give black & white its proper name) and cropped. It's also been slightly darkened, and had the contrast upped a little.
A number of friends have commented that it's sacrilegious to sit on a gravestone. If you're thinking the same thing,
I'll explain it to you as I did to them: 'It's ok if it's done in the name of Art, darling'. I think it's arty enough for
this collection of my creations. I'd like it used on the invitations to my funeral, in the unlikely event of my death. Thanks.
Using my Casio cameras extended exposure feature, I took this shot of Aylesbury's Market Square in the middle of the night. Don't be deceived.
Really, it's a pointless squalid place full of people who point and stare at me because I can walk on just
my hind legs, rather than knuckling along. More pictures of Aylesbury, for OVER 18 YEAR OLDS ONLY, can be
found on my
Aylesbury with Bob and Curly page.
A composite image, based on a photo of me in the bathroom, colour enhanced, turned into a negative (bar the eyes) and then the text and the Evil Inside
logo (found on the net) were dropped in. There you go. It's simple when you know how it's done, isn't it? Pointless, admittedly, but simple. Couldn't you see this image
being used by BNFL (the nuclear PowerStation people) to promote the visitors centre at Dungeness?
Taken with the rather iffy macro feature on my old digital camera, these two Corgi models of my 1971 Bond Bug tell an interesting story. Before the launch
of the full sized beast in 1970, it was going to be available in a nasty lime green as well as orange. However, Bond (well, Reliant really) had a change of heart
and decided only to offer it in tangerine. It seems no one thought to tell Corgi before they were selling the green ones. Its not a good story, I know, yet try to remember it,
because it's the sort of thing that comes up in Pub Quiz's, isn't it?
Iconic images are my thing. I can see this as a poster in every students bedroom up and down the country. I am going to seek help for
my problems though. (I need to type a few more words here to fill a space, ok? So stop reading, because I'm not going to give any interesting
information or insights away. Why are you still reading? Stop. No, really. Stop. You're not paying attention to me, are you? Ok, suit yourself. Blah, blah,
blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Oh all right then! I DO believe my tongue is both my best friend and my worst enemy, but
I'm not going to tell you why!)
This picture was bashed-off on the 31st of Jan. 2001 for Top Gear Magazine. I'd just heard I was to have another letter published in it, and I'd been thinking about offering my services to do the illustrations for the
Data Dad
section for a while. I created this picture by first sketching my idea, revising it, photographing my sketch and then using a simple paint-and-draw program I have to colour the sketch in. I hope you agree, the end result looks rather good.
To explain further, it was inspired by a question in the February edition which ran:
SUMMER SOFT-TOP
Dear Data Dad, I've just picked up on the water companies' warnings about the possibility of three months without rain this coming summer.
So, I reckon it's time to start thinking about a convertible. The trouble is, I am a bit of a softie, so I like my air-conditioning and leather.
What soft tops can I get for a budget of £18,000?
MIKE WARREN, VIA E-MAIL.
Data Dad replied:
How about zilch, zero, nought or nothing? Sadly, Mike, the closest cabrio to your budget of £18,000 is the Renault Megane Monaco 1.6 16v at £18,900.
The Volvo C70 2.0T and the Saab 9-3 SE 2.0t both fit your specs but cost at least £6,000 more.
Another picture for Top Gear Magazine, this was done in Feb. 2001. It was created in exactly the
same way as the picture above about, mostly because sadly I'd received no feedback on that one at all. :-(
To put it into some kind of context, it was inspired by a question in the March edition which ran:
SMALL AND SAFE
Data Dad, apparently, at four foot, eleven and a half inches tall, I am officially classed as a midget. Due to this,
I have many problems with car (sic) - mainly reaching pedals, seeing over the steering wheel and not
losing my kneecaps against the steering column. I would like suggestions for vehicles that will allow me
to drive the three hours plus I spend a day in a car in the utmost comfort, and safely allow me to get to my destination.
SMALL BIRD, VIA E-MAIL.
Data Dad replied:
Don't ruffle your feathers, Small Bird. If we add adjustable steering and seat height to comfort and safety, we get
plenty of cars popping up on the screen. The cheapest is the £8,295 Renault Clio 1.2 16v Sport,
but you should also look at the Hyundai Accent, the Skoda Fabia Comfort, the Toyota Corolla, Citroen Xsara
and the Renault Megane.
In due course it was March 2001 and guess what? Yep, I was still battling to be the guest illustrator
for an edition of BBC Top Gear Magazine. (Other motoring magazines are available)...
TORQUE TEACHER
Data Dad, just a quick question, what is the difference between torque and power. and how come they are
at their maximum at different points on the rev range? Thank you
JONAH JONES, VIA E-MAIL.
Data Dad replied:
Take a spanner. Put it on a nut. Now tighten the nut. The force you apply to the spanner to tighten
the nut is torque or rotational force. In an engine the 'big end' on the crankshaft is the spanner
and the force required to turn the crankshaft is the torque. You can also multiply the torque by the
rotational speed to get watts, which can be converted into horsepower. Peak torque will almost always
occur at a lower rpm than peak power when measured on a dynamometer - a device which applies breaking
force to the flywheel. Hence, 'break horsepower'
I gave up at this point, having received no feedback on my work what-so-ever. Downhearted? Yes. But- and it's a big but (bigger even than BUT) but
I have some other ideas for this ambition waiting in the wings. I'll keep you posted.
Not actually edited, but a fine
Arty Farty shot never-the-less. This was taken at Stowe House near Buckingham in May 2001.
I'm very pleased with the look of the columns and my 'pose'. It's also featured on my
Naked
Photo Album pages as a part of an apology, of all things.
As you can see, it also looks rather cool as a negative image. I don't look so hot with an aqua face,
but the purplish column on the left is particularly beautiful I think. But I'll leave you to make up your own mind on that.
Eye of the beholder and all that.
Milton Keynes, a New Town in Buckinghamshire (UK) is famous for many things; More roundabouts than you can shake a stick at, a very big shopping centre and most bizarrely of all,
some concrete cows. They were created by one Liz Leyh and given to the city in 1978, I'm reliably told.
This photograph is of one slightly crazed example of this rare addition to the rural (or urban, as it is in Milton Keynes)
environment which I took in February 2001.
On the same day, at the same place, I photographed this. It's allegedly also a cow, but it looks like no
bovine I've ever seen. And believe me, I've been looking.
I suspect 'it be that rarest of things, a concrete badger'. I saw a concrete goat once, in Ulan-Bator.
I'm never going
back there!
For a balanced review of these beasts of almost unlimited burden, click here.
Keen to see them for yourself?
This link is to a map of the area. They're between the river and the railway line in the center square of this picture, near the Bancroft estate, north of the pink road
that runs from the big roundabout in a northeasterly direction. Still lost? Here's a map with an
X on it, marking the spot!
Elsewhere on this page you'll discover my own slant on the artificial cow, and I keep my milk in mine!
A portrait of a portrait of a portrait of a portrait of the artist.
Something of an ego-trip I guess you'll be thinking to yourself, but in reality it's more of a nod to the um- manufactured, almost mass-produced nature of modern art and...er...the
intrinsic um, thingy of our own image (I think I look better in a mirror than I do in photographs. Does this mean my head is on back-to-frontish?)
Anyway, I think it's cool. You will have your own opinion, and that's ok, because that's what makes you an individual.
An animated and adapted version this picture can also be found at the top of the main Index page.
Ah spiders. This image was inspired by some work I did for my
'Furry Friends' Page.
I found the colours produced by making a photograph of my eight-legged chum here into a negative quite stunning. Those delicate blues edged with purple.
Those bold blues vivid against the black background... I'm sorry, I went all
Changing Rooms there for a moment.
Click here to see another of my fine Spider photographs.
An enhanced colour picture of my old Yamaha RD350-YPVS which shows off it's deep blood-red after-market
paint-work and traffic scarring air-horns. It was stolen not long after this picture was taken,
and partly resprayed metallic green before the police tracked it down for me.
I say
partly resprayed, so you can imagine what a ghastly sight it was when I got it back... And then it was stolen
again! :-(
This picture also appears on my Naked Photo Album
page, in the Real Wheel Nut section with many of the other transports-of-delight I've enjoyed, like
my funky Bond Bug and Sevenesque Kit car.
Yes I know. Me
again! But it's not my fault. At the time I was playing with my new camera whilst
watching television, and this accidental shot was the result, but with one minor (mirror) addition.
If you look closely, you'll notice that I've got two left sides of my face, which gives a very interesting
effect, I think. Anyway, click on the thumbnail for a bigger, clearer version.
Orange shirts are very much My Thing, Baby, and I can often be found sporting one around the house.
Or even 'out-of-doors'. Odd expression, that. Anyhow, the only thing wrong with this picture is that the flash
didn't go off when I took it, but as I say, I didn't even realise I'd taken it until I downloaded from my
Fuji.
Yes, the trees I can see from my bedroom window.
Yes, a simple negative image.
And yes, all three figures in it are me. Sorry.
You know the story. You've been there yourself many many times.
A bored evening. A neon tube lamp bought for a friend. The sudden recollection of a judo suit in the
garage... Been there, done that, right? Almost a cliché of 21st century single British maledom, in fact.
God. I'm so glad it's not just me. Anyway, for more silliness from that heady evening, visit
my Too Much Time On My Hands page.
Godammit, if it didn't happen again!
A lilac one caught my eye whilst passing the same shop in Milton Keynes (near Wicken) and,
once again I was suckered in. I felt such a fool I also sprang for a bladder on a stick and a hat with bells on. If you're going to be
a fool, be a total fool I say.
The Wicker Man is a cult British horror movie, which has gained classic status through the quality of the
acting, the quirkiness of the plot and the erotic bottom waggling elements!
Click here to hear more about this great film, and my own dark beginnings...
This picture was created by scanning the front cover of an old EMI video cassette of the film
(1980 vintage. The oldest VHS tape I own I believe - I have now bought the film on DVD),
blanking out the names of cast and crew,
making negative, bumping up the contrast and other general image-editing bobbins. The end result
would make a fine poster for a stage show I thought.
What do you think?
Please e-mail me your burning insights!
I've often spoken about Aylesbury and it's contribution to the architecture of the western
world. (Over 18's can see my
Aylesbury with Bob & Curly page for more rantings)
And this is, in a dreadfully punning way, the
high-point of the town; the offices of the local county council. Did I say office? I meant orifice...
This 'not actually edited, just taken with a long exposure at dusk' picture also features on my tastefully shot
Naked Photo Album page.
There seems to be no end to the things I'll do simply because a total stranger has asked me to do it. I figure this sort of attitude will
get me in trouble some day, but until that happens, I'll keep doing it.
This shot was taken for the www.ReadDaveGorman.com
site. Again, it's only been edited in-as-much as it's on it's side to show the book off.
Please, don't ask me why.
Why not pay it a visit to see what the whole silly business was about? Note: They didn't use this shot, but there is another of me
they did post. See if you can find it, and thus see me and my trademark orange shirt in all our glory.
Artistic Church.
Not far from my domicile (in fact, sometimes just visible through the trees) is this lovely church. This shot (like the one below) is a black and white one
that I've played with the tint on, as well as adding a bit more contrast. It was taken on a beautiful spring morning in March 2002.
The top of it also features in this photograph of me, taken on the same day.
Casa Mila - Barcelona - April 2002.
Take a crazy architect working at the turn of the 19th century. Take a financier who had second thoughts half way through the project. Add a
splash of visionary genius, and this is the result; The strangest chimneys ever to grace a rooftop. More pictures from my business trip to
Barcelona can be found on my Naked 'Photo Album page.
Some similar chimneys also feature in this photograph of me,
taken on the same day, and in my Barcelona Pix animation.
St. Paul's Cathedral, London
This is one of the favourite photographs I've taken. St. Paul's and the Millennium foot bridge, viewed from the South Bank.
Just a basic negative image, but I love what it's done to the sky and the grey water of the Thames!
More pictures from various trips to London (often by 40ft limo :-D ) can be found on my
Naked 'Photo Album and London Pix pages.
The London Eye, London. Obviously.
Taken on the same day as the shot above, this is the British Airways London Eye big wheel, viewed from the Westminster Bridge.
Another negative image, but colour enhanced until it took on a strange other-worldly quality. I think.
Follow the links above for more pictures from my many trips to That London.
Arch and Kitcar.
Stowe House, Buckinghamshire. June 2002.
I've always wanted a cool picture of me with my Kitcar (see my Wheels of Fire page for more details) and so in early
May 2002 I made a pilgrimage to Stowe House and it's triumphal archway, north of Buckingham. The same arch appears in the classic film,
Those magnificent Men in their Flying Machines.
Anyway, once home I played with the shots I'd taken and this is one of the better, or at least moodier results.
Everything's real except the sky, which is a negative of the actual one photographed above the horizon at the time.
The same picture, but with a colour-enhanced sky rather than the negative one can also be seen on my
Naked 'Photo Album or Stowe Pix pages, or by clicking here. Or is it?...
Face pulling for fun and profit.
A picture which, if proof were needed at this stage, proves I'm a egocentric freak.
And that's all I have to say about it right now.
Actually, it was inspired by the passport photograph themes in the great French film Amelie, as seen on my DVD page.
So now you know.
Spain, April 2002.
Another negative picture, this time of the water in a Spanish swimming pool. Doesn't it look inviting?
Arch and Kitcar.
Stowe House, Buckinghamshire again. June 2002.
Not totally blown away by the picture of me with my Kitcar (up somewhere above) I returned to Stowe in sunnier weather to take this shot.
I then went on to watch some racing at Silverstone. It was a lovely day out with my ex, Judith.
Central Power Authority.
Not edited, yet a fine picture of the Palace of Westminster I took in June 2002 whilst in London to see
Dave Gorman recording a TV show. For more images from that very frustrating trip,
you'll need to visit the London Pix page.
The setting moon and helicopter.
My bedroom window, July 20th 2002.
Also unedited, I took this shot of the setting moon with my Casio digital camera, set on manual to keep the lens open for about a minute. Just
as I was about to take the shot, a helicopter passed overhead and the trail of its lights is also captured here.
If you like this shot, there's a 500k (1280 x 960 res.) version downloadable by clicking here.
Three Heads.
The result of boredom, March 2003.
I'd grown this beard, right, and then I shaved half of it off, as you do. And then I took a picture (ok so far) and then I edited this picture,
as above. I think that it was at this point that things started to go wrong....
Anways, this picture was inspired buy one of me in an orange shirt somewhere above. And yes, I did cut myself shaving.
Roving the Land.
May 2003.
Geocaching is a new sport which uses the Internet and a GPS handset to lead players
to a position where a 'treasure trove' - usually an ice-cream tub full of bits and bobs - is hidden. I took the picture above while on the way to
Fleet Marston Church, on such a quest. I really like the neon effect of this negative shot,
caused by the weird colours the car had been painted.
Making faces.
September 2003. Just a silly composite of bits of pictures of me from the age of two onwards. Based on a picture taken of me at
Hartwell House, all the other elements are taken from photos found elsewhere on this site. Can you find them all?
Would you want to? If you
did want to,
why would you want to? Crazy Mother-Hubbard!
I think it's quite fun. Sort of dark and moody and bright and colourful at the same time. Not an easy trick to pull off!
Some other artistic pix:
[ Nature red in tooth and... leaf? 97k file. ]
[ As above, but as a negative (you could have guessed) 100k file. ]
[ Me twating about in the gardens of Claydon House, Bucks. July 2002. 55k file. ]
[ The green green grass of... The churchyard where I was christened, as it happens. 162k file. ]
There's more shots due to be added. Please drag yourself back to this page soon.
Artistic views from the place I lay my hat.
This feature also appears on my very popular
Naked Photo Album
page, but I thought you'd like to see it here too.
Click a door below to visit the views afforded by my bedroom window. No pictures
have been obviously edited, but many are
Arty Farty and so I felt they
deserve a mention here.
Yes, the trees I can see from my bedroom window.
Spain, April 2002.
![[ Nature red in tooth and... leaf? 97k file. ]](redleaf.jpg){kind=link}
![[ As above, but as a negative (you could have guessed) 100k file. ]](blueleaf.jpg){kind=link}
![[ Me twating about in the gardens of Claydon House, Bucks. July 2002. 55k file. ]](doorway.jpg){kind=link}
![[ The green green grass of... The churchyard where I was christened, as it happens. 162k file. ]](grass.jpg){kind=link}