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May 2005: PAUL SMITH’S DEVIANT’S DIARY - Erotica Manchester or Bust.
My journey to G-Mex, venue of the Manchester Erotica show, is worth a mention. A sweaty cycle-rush to the train station was just the start of my adventure. It was rapidly followed by an hour long train journey into London, a dash across town by tube, and a long ride up from Euston in steerage class. I got past Stafford before I had a seat to call my own. When I stumbled off a tram around the back of the venue, I'd been trying to get there for a bit over five hours. Miraculously I was still in a good mood (or perhaps just glad of the fresh air and a stretch of my legs) as I circled the building. £10 entrance seemed very reasonable compared to the £18ish charged to visit the London show. It would have been £8.80 if I'd booked in advance, or £13.20/£15 if I'd have visited on the Saturday.
Since I'd never been to Erotica-North before, I really only had my three trips to the London one to compare it with. Straight off, it was about half the size and the trade area, a curtained off box on the left of the hall, was compact in comparison to say the least. As I walked further into a huge room seemingly empty of punters, my heart sunk. Then I noticed the thumping music and the crowd at the other end of the space. The stage show was in full swing and I was drawn to it like a gay moth to pink neon. Torture Garden were running it, as usual, but it featured designs from others including Pink Piranha, if memory serves. My companion on the day is a little less than 5ft tall, so while I got a view of the stage she could see the top of the occasional head. So we went for a walk.
One of the first stands we visited was the Fairy Goth Mother one, where a nice lady in a tiny top hat helped my friend try a £155 corset on. While the sound of whalebone (really sprung steel these days, I believe) under tension came from the dressing room, I admired the amazing breadth of their stock. Dozens of different styles in various fabrics and finishes filled this large stand up and I was surprised to hear their Camden shop carries even more, in a wider range of sizes than they'd been able to bring up to the show. Released from her torso bondage, kitten and I drifted on.
The ID Lube stand was dominated by a giant, inflatable bottle of lube, which loomed over the stand like something from War of the Worlds. Humming "The chances of anything cumming…" to myself, I worked my way past Richard Larson's fine erotic jewellery and JDL for Leather (more leather waistcoats than you can shake a stick at) to reach the large Alternative Clothing and Footwear stands. They carry a vast range and had deals on several popular lines, including a soft PVC thigh boot with 5" heel for £51. Hayway Shoes had something similar for £49. Clearly bargains were here to be had. Indeed, I bought a PVC choker with rubber 'iron cross' for a German friend of mine from Pink Fluffy for a mere £10. She was very pleased with it, as was I. My companion liked the 100% cotton fluffy towelettes at the Shagrags stand, and bought a little something for a friend's birthday. I liked their slogan: Don't dis the duvet! One of those 'I don't need it, but I want it' products, available in various colours with several slogans, including: cumcloths, wankwipes, clitcloths and fannyflannels. See more at shagrags.cum. Sorry, com.
Top To Bottom stock 'Exquisite leather bondage equipment, for the connoisseur' and I've seen them at several shows, including the London Fetish Fair and the Birmingham Bizarre Bazaar. At Whips, etc. I saw a sweet thing. A very sweet thing. Not a baby dressed as a bumblebee (thank god!) but a bra and thong made from sweets for £6 per section. Next door was Elegant Lacing, an interesting stand focusing, as you'd imagine, on corsets. I discussed Kylie's 'alleged' 16" waist with a lady squeezed to 18" and she said it was nonsense. We'd both seen pictures of the pint-sized antipodean and agreed 20-22" was more like it. The stand also boasted some of the shows more unusual toys, including a three-pronged anal speculum for £19 and a cute glass butt-plug. Interesting stuff. Around the corner was either Really Orgasmic Sweets or Really Organic Sweets. I can't read my handwriting. Either way, they faced a central area populated with seats and a bin. Another side of this quadrangle was fronted by Enigma Products, who stocked a range of bondage goodies and Nice n Naughty's handsome stall. Looking more professional than many stands, with their shop locations boldly emblazoned across it, they were selling DVDs and never looked less than busy.
Across the 'square' from them I got chatting to a nice Czech lady on the Visual Eyes stand and was soon lured into trying a coloured contact lens on. They supply air-breathable soft lenses which, unlike some, can be worn anything up to 90 days. Cheaper models were £25 and would last 30 days, if correctly stored in sterile saline solution. The devil eye versions would be perfect for the Dominant in your life, I suspect. Sticking with the satanic theme, I was taken by the beautifully crafted sparkly devil horns on the Bo's Tit Bits stall. £45 for a small set or £55 for large ones would get you a pair, as well as adhesive pads that can handle a night of sweaty dancing, or similar. Toupee tape would do for less energetic outings.
We were inexorably drawn to the R18 Video Village, which ran up the left hand wall of the venue, as viewed from the entrance. Inside was the familiar array of DVDs, videos and toys, as well as plasma screens showing latest releases. All over girl's backs, as it happens. I poked happily about for a while, before the wanderlust gripped me again.
The stage show was kicking off once more and this time we got a good raised position from where to watch it. I'd seen it before in London in November -same as the Erotica show guide 'Sexual Chemistry Edition'- but we enjoyed it nevertheless.
Facing the stage area was stand G20. This was the bondage tape stand. If you wanted bondage tape, this was the place. Bondage tape is what they did, and nothing else. A large choice of colours (red, black, pink, clear, etc) and good prices (two for £10, four for £15) you'd expect, but they were also running an unusual competition. When you bought a roll from them you could enter their 'everyone's a winner' photo contest. Mailing some creative shots of their product in use to sales@bondagetape.com would get you more free rolls. They claim 'Why not take 252 pictures and receive 18 ROLLS FOR FREE, that's £135 worth of tape for free!!!! Enough to keep you occupied every week'. At that price they'd also make a cheap alternative to cling film for wrapping your sandwiches too.
Around the corner was Soho Hardcore, where I could have bought a giant red butt plug I thought might be a MERV nuclear warhead. All it was missing was warning symbols and Cyrillic text. Towards the other end of the event were the Rawhide and Phase stands, where I admired £60 PVC nun's outfits. A little beyond my budget for the day, but I dare say they found plenty of buyers for them over the long weekend.
Ardent Images were exhibiting with the Guild of Erotic Artists, and are coincidentally based just up the road from me. I enjoyed my chat with photographer Bex. She was offering a 2-3 hour digital photo session, indoors or outdoors, for £250, and guaranteed at least 25 really lovely shots from that. This seemed very reasonable, given the quality of her work. One shot in her portfolio caught my eye; A PVC clad lady was reclining against a gothic pillar, views of rolling countryside beyond her. Even as I said "Is that Stowe?" I realised it wasn't. Suddenly I recognised the carefully carved graffiti on the column. Only the day before I'd stood at the very spot, for the first time. I'd never even heard of the ruined house before and here I was, seeing it twice in as many days. Coincidence is my constant companion! Bex does work for toy catalogues and other adult marketing stuff too - visit her site at www.ardent-images.co.uk for more information.
I was enjoying the atmosphere of the event. It felt more relaxed than the London one and I happy with the freedom to roam that a rammed room doesn't allow. Towards the front of the room I roamed to the Premier Bridle stand, which featured £10 floggers in a style I thought would be easy to copy. Watch this space for my own range!
The day after the death of the Pope might not have been absolutely the right time to have comedy nuns running about the place, causing musical (no, not The Sound of Music) mayhem wherever they went. However, I'm not Catholic and the sight of a man in a wimple cavorting to drum 'n' base and causing havoc never fails to bring a smile to my face. So I enjoyed their blasphemous hi-jinkery, even if I've been damned for it.
Other slight oddities were the two T-shirt printers at the show. Teeze Me and Abstract Creative Screenprinters Ltd were both offering 'Your Slogan Here for £10' deals. I was tempted to put my plans for a double sided T-shirt into motion. 'My girlfriend asked me to treat her like a princess…' on the front, and on the back, '…so I drove her at high speed into a wall' for just £15. Tempted, but ultimately I resisted the childish urge.
SMG International and West Country Wigs were there, as were several spa bath manufacturers and open-minded vacation experts from Dare2 Travel, French Connection Swingers Holidays and Hedonism. Local-Swingers.co.uk had more to do with the world of adult entertainment than the couple of stands I saw selling makeup. But not just any old makeup. No. This stuff was a lipstick, nail polish, foundation, blusher and eye shadow in one. My friend tried it on and it left her feeling like the mutant offspring of an unholy union between David Dickinson and Judith Chalmers. She came back from the loos looking scrubbed and all the happier for it. Speaking of well scrubbed, I took a look at the 'Make A Fresh Start' stand, where they were selling a tooth whitening product.
Masks of Venice were tucked away in a corner, near the trade area. They were exhibiting unusual handmade masks, ideal for that costume ball or fetish event you're got in your social diary. The music playing even when the stage show wasn't on was nice and I chatted to several stall holders to the beat. The consensus was that this year's show was smaller than last years, and rumours that it may be the last at this venue were rife. A Birmingham show seemed to be on the cards if hearsay is anything to go by. Only one stall holder I asked said they'd had a good weekend, which is a shame. Personally I really enjoyed the event, thanks to a good atmosphere and a pleasant venue.
Time was ticking on, and having been here for three and a half hours, I felt I'd seen all the show had to offer. Also I had the last train home to catch at 7.30, so it was back to the trams, train, tube, train and a walk home, well past midnight. The return journey was made more bearable because of the Joycoder I'd bought. It sounds like a sex toy, but it isn't. 40Gb MP3 and compressed video player with a 3.5" screen to show episodes of Spaced on does help the hours and the miles by public transport just fly by. A final note - As I passed through Macclesfield I noticed the bright yellow frontage and closed shutters of a shop called S&M Supplies. Oh how we laughed.
Paul Smith is still free to a good home. Kinky Job offers to info@snapsandbytes.co.uk please.
2000ish words on Erotica Manchester, Dale. Sorry about the wait.
Paul.