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 paul smith's Snaps & Bytes e-home

Thanks for taking part in this bit of audience participation. Answer only the questions you wish to from the wide selection below. No pressure. Some of the questions may be a touch risqué, so if you're under 18, or take a dim view of such things, use this link to return to the terminal.

ALL ABOUT YOU!

please fill your answers in below:

So what's your name then?

E-mail Address:

Your home-page or favourite web site:

Sex:

Male. Female. More complicated than that. Yes please!

Approx I.Q.

Below 94. 94 to 106. 107 to 120. Above 120.

Describe yourself in three words:

UK Shoe Size:

< 4. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. 11. 12. > 12.

If you were an animal,
which type of beast would you be?

What's the best noise in the world?

Do you drive, and if so, what?

How old are you?

<16. 16-20. 21-25. 26-30. 31-35. 36-40. 41-45.
46-50. 51-55. 56-60. 61-65. 66-70. >70. Not saying!

Do you have a favourite film, and if so, which is it?

OVER 18s ONLY!
What's your kink and/or fetish?
(Select as many as you like - that you like.)

Water sports.
'Greek'.
Voyeurism.
High heels.
Bondage.
Fetish fabrics (i.e. Latex, Leather, etc.)
Role-playing (i.e.Adult baby/Crossdressing).
S&M.
M&S (Like the kink above, but with cardigans and comfortable shoes.)
Medical scene.
Amazonian or big beautiful women (BBWs).
Sploshing (i.e. muddy and/or messy food).
Domination or Submission (D/s).
And/or
Something else far too shocking to mention here.

If you were on Mastermind, what would
your specialist subject be?

Which of these popular options best describes your religious/spiritual beliefs or faith?
Atheist.
Agnostic.
Church of England.
Roman Catholic.
Other Christian (Amish, Anglican, Baptist...)
Buddhist.
Sikh.
Muslim.
Hindu.

Jewish.
Zoroastrian.
Scientologist.
Taoist.
Hare Krishna.
Pagan.
Vodumist (Voodoo).
Satanist.
Wicca white witch.
Jedi.
Antitheist. (Everyone with a religious belief is wrong and stupid)
Other. (Please tell me what in the comments box way below!)

What's the worst feeling in the world?

Do you have any siblings?

No, I am all alone.
One older one.
Two older ones.
One younger one.
Two younger ones.
I'm the middle one of three.
Something other than the above.

Which is your favourite Star Trek film?

I've never seen a Star Trek film/I can't choose between my babies!
The Motion Picture
The Wrath of Khan
The Search for Spock
The Voyage Home
The Final Frontier
The Undiscovered Country
Generations
First Contact
Insurrection
Nemesis

Which is the better Matt Groening series?

The Simpsons.
Futurama.

If they were making a film of your life,
who would you like to play you and why?

What's the next number in this sequence:
1 2 3 5 8 13 __?

19. 20. 21. 22.

Do you think the following joke, which appears elsewhere on my site, is in poor taste: My girlfriend asked me to treat her like a Princess... So I drove her at high speed into a wall.

No.
Yes.
Don't know and/or don't care.

Which one of Jim Hensons' Muppets do you consider yourself to most closely resemble?

Where is your ideal place to be kissed?

What is the most embarrassing thing
that's ever happened to you?

Do you speak any languages other than English?

Non. Oui.

What's your favourite flavour of icecream?

If you had a One hundred megaton nominal yield nuclear bomb to detonate, where would you use it and why? (NOTE FOR BRITISH SECRET SERVICES: I do not, nor have I ever, owned or had access to any atomic weapons, nor do I encourage their use in built-up areas between the hours of 11pm and 7am. So please don't conduct a dawn-raid on my home and put a bag over my head. Thanks.)

To the right is a Rorschach ink blot test.
Please tell me what it looks like to you
in the box provided to its right.

What do you think this ink-test looks like? Answer in the box to the right please.

What's your favourite city?

Do you have any allergies?

No. Yes.

What's the strangest situation
you've ever found yourself in?

You're at a job interview. Someone asks you, "Where do you see yourself in ten years time?" How do you reply to them:

I'd say nothing at all. I'd just stare straight through them.
"I see myself asking silly questions at job interviews."
"I have a terminal disease. How dare you taunt me!"
Having respect for the interviewer, I'd try to answer the question.

What's the most stupid question you've ever
been asked, not including any of these?

Name of the winged horse in Greek mythology:

Fox hunting. A good thing or a bad thing?

Good thing. Bad thing.

What's your favourite cheese, and why?

Do you have any phobias?

No. Yes.

What's the most rubbish gift you've ever received?

Ever flown in a helicopter, glider or balloon?

No. Yes.

Do you believe in fate?

No. Yes.

Have you ever been on TV, and if so, doing what?

What's the most amazing coincidence
that's ever happened to you?

If you could invent anything, what would you
sit down at your drawing table and invent?

What do you sing on Karaoke night?

Do you believe in Ghosts/Aliens
The Loch Ness Monster/Bigfoot?

Ghosts:

No.

Yes.

Aliens:

No.

Yes.

Nessy:

No.

Yes.

Bigfoot:

No.

Yes.

Are you smarter than your boss?

No, they're smart. Yes, they're dumb.

Who is your Hero/Heroine?

Is it ok to sneak into Nation Trust properties?

No, it's plain wrong. Yes, I'm up for jumping walls.

What was your favourite subject at school?

Would you rather be more attractive,
or more intelligent than you are?

More attractive.
More intelligent.

Who was your first crush on?

You find £1000 in the street. No one is around.
Do you hand it in to the police?

No, I need the money.
Yes, I would feel guilty if I didn't.

Have you ever met anyone famous,
and if so, who was it?

Do you have a favourite joke? If so, what is it?

Is time travel possible?

No. Yes. Didn't you ask me that 10 minutes ago?

If you were writing to Jimmy to fix something
for you, what would you ask him to fix?

Are farts intrinsically funny?

No. Yes.

If you were desperate, would you sell your
most prized possession or a kidney?

My most prized possession.
A kidney, but just the one.

What do you really, REALLY hate?

Can you play chess?

No. Yes.

What was the last live act you saw?

Are you reading a book at the moment,
and if so, which one?

Where did you last go on holiday?

What's your favourite type of pizza?

Have you got a pet?

No. Yes.

What does a numismatist collect?

Are big diamonds tacky?

No. Yes. Not on Me!

Do you get scared easily?

No. Yes. Waaaahhh!

Do you play any sports?

No. Yes.

What was the first single you ever bought/shoplifted?

Is golf a silly game?

Not at all. Yes, very very silly.

What is your biggest regret?

When was the last time you lied?

What's the question you wish I was asking?

ALL ABOUT ME AND MY SITE!

please fill your answers in below:

How did you come to visit my site?

I followed a link from a site about Jonathan Creek.
I followed a link from a site about Doodles. God knows why.
I was browsing Tripods sites and came across a link to yours.
I saw a link on Claire Simmons' site and couldn't resist clicking it.
I was looking at the Robin Hood Owners Club site and used a link.
I was on a page about B-Bugs, and was moved to investigate yours.
I was looking at stuff about Geocaching, and saw a link to your pages.
I was using a search engine to look for something, and linked here.
Well son, the wind musta just blown me this way. (None of the above)

Which best describes your view of my pages?

I am too lazy to make a selection.
There's not enough porn. Where's the porn? I want porn!
Pants, i.e. "it's not as good as my own super-smashing site."
Puerile and childish. Grow up Mr Smith. You're not 15 any more.
Wonderful and all-round fab (Please don't be ironic about my site.)
Frightening and/or threatening in a way I was quite unprepared for.
Remarkable for a boy with the face of a dog (I have missed the point.)
Comfy and spacious. South facing with views of the Chiltern Hills.

Having seen my site, what do you think of me?

You're mad.
Your're bad.
You're dangerous to know.
You're a man with too much time on his hands.
You're strangely attractive.
You're just strange.
You're quite fat.
You should wear more hats.

How would you improve this site?
(Select as many as you like.)

"Dear Paul,
On your site, I'd like to see more...

Words, English, in an order which sense makes."
Pictures, photographs and assorted graphical doings."
Animations and other charming Flash navigation things."
Video clips of a clean and wholesome 'Family-Viewing' nature."
Noises, such as comedy clips, music, system/web noises etc."
Games and Quizzes, like the 'Who Wants to be Quite Rich?' one."
Nudity. Not specifically yours, I'm quick to point out."
External links to things on other peoples sites that you really rate."

Comments box:

Swearing box:

Do you think I look like Alexi Sayle?

I'm the one on the left. For more on the
lady, visit my ETO Magazine page.

So, do I look like Alexi Sayle or not?

Not at all.
Yes, a bit.

Which page(s) of my site did you particularly enjoy? (Select as many as you like)
Sister sites:
The OPENING page, with animations
The T-SHIRT BUSINESS page
The WEB DESIGN BUSINESS pages
The OLD PERSONAL WEB SITE
This site:
The TERMAINAL main index page
The UPDATES page
This great FEEDBACK page
wheel nut pages:
The KIT CAR page
The BOND BUG page
The AUSTIN HEALEY 3000 page
The CAR PIX page
The MOTORING Q & A 3000 page
is it art pages?
The CHILTERN SCULPTURE TRAIL pages
The ARTY FARTY page
The PHOENIX TRAIL ART page
words pages:
The INDIE MAGAZINE pages
The JONATHAN CREEK page
The ETO MAGAZINE pages
The PUBLISHED/BROADCAST STUFF page

photography pages:
The HOLIDAYS pages
The PORTRAITS page
The EARLY DAYS page
The L2B BIKE RIDE pages
The HATS page
The PAUL: A MAN AND HIS WOMEN pages
The TOO MUCH TIME ON MY HANDS page
The STOWE PHOTOGRAPHS page
The BEKONSCOT MODEL VILLAGE page
The HOME PHOTOGRAPHS page
movies pages:
The VIDEORAMASCOPE pages
The OLD FLASH MOVIES pages
The WEB-CAM page
The 'THE WICKEN MAN' page
interests pages:
The BOOKS page
The I,GEOCACHER page
The DVD COLLECTION page
The BACKGROUND page
The CLICK HERE pages
The STAMP LICKING page
The THINGS I LOVE / HATE page
The funky 'QUITE RICH' QUIZ page

Which page(s) of my site did you particularly dislike? (Select as many as you [didn't]like)
Sister sites:
The OPENING page, with animations
The T-SHIRT BUSINESS page
The WEB DESIGN BUSINESS pages
The OLD PERSONAL WEB SITE
This site:
The TERMAINAL main index page
The UPDATES page
This great FEEDBACK page
wheel nut pages:
The KIT CAR page
The BOND BUG page
The AUSTIN HEALEY 3000 page
The CAR PIX page
The MOTORING Q & A 3000 page
is it art pages?
The CHILTERN SCULPTURE TRAIL pages
The ARTY FARTY page
The PHOENIX TRAIL ART page
words pages:
The INDIE MAGAZINE pages
The JONATHAN CREEK page
The ETO MAGAZINE pages
The PUBLISHED/BROADCAST STUFF page

photography pages:
The HOLIDAYS pages
The PORTRAITS page
The EARLY DAYS page
The L2B BIKE RIDE pages
The HATS page
The PAUL: A MAN AND HIS WOMEN pages
The TOO MUCH TIME ON MY HANDS page
The STOWE PHOTOGRAPHS page
The BEKONSCOT MODEL VILLAGE page
The HOME PHOTOGRAPHS page
movies pages:
The VIDEORAMASCOPE pages
The OLD FLASH MOVIES pages
The WEB-CAM page
The 'THE WICKEN MAN' page
interests pages:
The BOOKS page
The I,GEOCACHER page
The DVD COLLECTION page
The BACKGROUND page
The CLICK HERE pages
The STAMP LICKING page
The THINGS I LOVE / HATE page
The funky 'QUITE RICH' QUIZ page

Is this you: I am a cute girl who has found herself
strangely drawn to you through your web site.

Sorry, it's not me.
Yip. Gurrr! (PLEASE Ensure your e-mail address is above!)

Would you like my feedback on your feedback?
I will score your answers out of 10.

No thanks.
Yes please! (Ensure your e-mail address is above)

Legal notice - This page, inc. graphics and multimedia features are the intellectual property of Paul Smith and are protected by copyright. Last updated 03/06/05