Early in 2002, I thought about buying a camcorder.
Below is the result, my Panasonic NV-DS27B Mini Digital Video Camera.
Bought from Argos, it has lots of funky features to distract me while I paid for it over 10 months, interest-free.
Also on show are my trusty Casio QV-8000SX and Fuji A201 which
can record little AVI movies (without sound) onto their memory cards. This is rather limited -
because each sequence can only be a few seconds (10/20 respectively) in length - But add the editing features of MGI/Roxio's
excellent VideoWAVE software and the World is my thingy! My new Fuji S5000 camera, also pictured, takes
longer AVI video clips with sound!
I've mastered compressing video down to Internet-suitable files,
(MPEGs seem to give the best mix of compatibility, clarity and compressed file size, I've discovered)
and links to snippets have been posted right for your viewing pleasure.
Please note: Some of these are very large files and may take a while to download unless you're a flash bugger with Broadband.
Even when you've got the file, they won't play well unless you have a decent computer with a reasonable graphics card.
People visiting my site with a 486 should pack up their connection and sod off home. Or, better still,
take the plunge and buy a new PC, or if you're strange and beautiful, one of those fancy Apple Macintosh things.
November 2006 update:
I've now got a Fuji S5500, which shoots 640x480 AVI files, and a fancy new 20Gb JVC hard disk camcorder, which is a lot more compact than
my old Panasonic DV 'corder and should be able to go more places with me. This means there should be more stuff for this page in future,
you lucky lucky people :)
Videos made for other people:
• BekonskotTrains.wmv: 353Kb / 27 seconds. April 2004.
Little trains made for Bekonscot.com,
the world's oldest model village. It's in Beconsfield, Bucks, not far from the M40.
• Qing-Domme01-Teaser.mpg: 12.6Mb / 80 seconds. March 2007.
Goddess Qing
is a London-based dominatrix and she asked me to video her 'at work'.
STRICTLY FOR OVER 18s ONLY!
• Qing-Domme01.mpg: 45.1Mb / 4m 48s. As above, but longer.
WARNING! Contains graphic portrayal of BDSM practices and is thus
STRICTLY FOR OPEN MINDED OVER 18s ONLY!
Joy! My movies are now also on:
YouTube (most) and
GoogleVideo (some)
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Prehistoric Super-8 film clips:
• Super8web.mpg: 7.9Mb / 137 seconds. As a word of explanation, I bought a silent Agfa Moviematic C100 Super-8
cine-camera and projector/player at a Car Boot sale some time in the early 90's. I used it once, properly, and the result
(edited with 3rd Millennium DVT technology) is now here for you to enjoy. You'll gasp as I use stop-motion, jump-cuts,
elegant camera work and a frantic frenetic style of story-telling. It's a pity that the story I chose to tell was one as weak as
'What a strange dream', but there you go. I should thank the 'actor' who appears in it, but I really can't remember his name.
I also experimented with some film by drawing on frames of it in an avant-garde animation stylee. The results were sadly shit.
Such, I accept, is the very nature of experimentation.
• Super8web.wmv: 2.44Mb / 137 seconds. As above, but a smaller, compressed .wmv file.
2001 digital camera clips:
• Racing7s.avi: 2.18Mb / 10 seconds. April 2001 - Hi. res. Super-7s racing at Snetterton.
• Roundabout.avi: 607Kb / 10 seconds. September 2001 - Roundabout from office-block roof.
• Junapip.avi: 1.16Mb / 20 seconds. October 2001 - Judith wobbles her bottom for my camera.
2002 video/digicam clips:
• WaylandSmithy.avi: 1.91Mb / 31 seconds. Judith and I near the Uffington White Horse.
• Shopping.wmv: 611Kb / 32 seconds. The trip shopping makes from the shelf to car.
• Tesco.mpg: 180Kb / 6 seconds. The joy of Aisle Surfing, with my ex, Judith.
Barcelona! April 2002: [Click here to see some stills from here]
• Barcelona.mpg: 25.1Mb(!) / 168 seconds. BIG FILE WARNING! Having fun in Barcelona!
• Barcelona.wmv: 2.08Mb / 169 seconds. As above, but a smaller, compressed .wmv file.
• Necro.avi: 1.98Mb / 10 seconds. Passing the Necropolis outside Barcelona on a train.
• Pool.avi: 2.49Mb / 10 seconds. Spanish Swimming Pool water doing its thing.
2002 video/digicam clips continued:
• Sleep.rm: 1.72Mb / 23 seconds. Camcorder's zero-light feature lets me sleep.
• Hover.mpg: 399Kb / 7 seconds. 13th July at Claydon House. It's a lot less bother with a...
Rhodes August 2002: [Click here to see some stills from here]
• Rhodes.mpg: 35.9Mb (!)/ 241 seconds. BIG FILE WARNING! Paul explores Rhodes!
• Rhodes.avi: 7.25Mb / 241 seconds. As above, but a more compressed .avi file.
• 7Springs.mpg: 15.9Mb / 107 seconds. Rhodes: Paul goes deep underground.
• 7Springs.avi: 3.274Mb / 107 seconds. As above, but a more compressed .avi file.
• Bottoms.mpg: 6.44Mb / 43 seconds. Rhodes: Bottoms get in the way!
• Bottoms.avi: 1.65Mb / 43 seconds. As above, but a more compressed .avi file.
• Born2bwild.mpg: 9.73Mb / 65 seconds. Rhodes: Paul sings Born to be Wild on a scooter!
• Born-2b-wild.mpg: 3.06Mb / 57 seconds. As above, but a shorter, more compressed file.
• Born2bwild.avi: 2.24Mb / 65 seconds. As above, but a more compressed .avi file.
2002 video/digicam clips continued:
• ItalianJob57.mpg: 1.03Mb / 4 seconds. See The Italian Job as if it'd been made in 1957.
• ItalianJob57small.mpg: 230Kb / 4 seconds. As above, but a smaller, compressed .wmv file.
• Microcar2.avi: 885Kb / 6 seconds. August 31st 2002: Bubblecar at a Microcar Rally.
• Bug.avi: 1.11Mb / 8 seconds. Three Bugs and an even stranger wee car.
• Bug.mpg: 439Kb / 8 seconds. As above, but a smaller, highly compressed .mpg file.
• 360.mpg: 818Kb / 8 seconds. 360 degree view taken near my favourite trees!
Alton Towers 2002:
• GoingDownAud8.mpg: 8.54Mb / 35 seconds. Taken with my wee Fuji
A201 digital camera, then edited to enhance the look of terror in my eyes. Now a great Directors Commentary!
• GoingDownAud2.mpg: 2.04Mb / 35 seconds. As above, but a more compressed file.
• Nemesis.mpg: 991Kb / 16 seconds. Nemesis: It's so violent I dared not use my camera on it.
• Air.mpg: 1.71Mb / 21 seconds. Air: Swoop over the Earth like a giant happy bat.
2002 video/digicam clips continued:
• Infinite-House.mpg: 246Kb / 2 seconds. Just how big is my house?
• Mousehole.mpg: 1.22Mb / 11 seconds. Cornish village of Mousehole in rough weather.
• Paul.mpg: 1.22Mb / 11 seconds. The Amazing Self-Captioning Man, in Cornwall.
• Sinister.mpg: 602Kb / 5 seconds. Sinister, evil damn trees, and me.
• WestWycombeWeb.mpg: 2.3Mb / 21 seconds. Running around the Hellfire Club caves.
• Dino.mpg: 530Kb / 4 seconds. Proof that Dinosaurs still walk the Earth!
2003 video/web/digicam clips:
• Jabberwocky.avi: 3.08Mb / 95 seconds. I recite Lewis Carroll's The Jabberwocky.
My grand Italian adventure: [Click here to see some stills from here]
• Surprise.mpg: 3.96Mb / 52 seconds. Luton Airport: I surprise Gavin in a nice way.
• Plane-Crazy.mpg: 1.62Mb / 30 seconds. High altitude hijinks on board our flight to Milan.
• Plane-Crazy-Short.mpg: 299Kb / 5 seconds. As above, but a shorter version.
• Alps.mpg: 1.10Mb / 20 seconds. Our plane flying over the Alps on the way to Italy.
• Tram.mpg: 556Kb / 9 seconds. One of Milan's famous Trams. In S T E R E O !
• Hotel.mpg: 5.28Mb / 69 seconds. The things I get up to if left alone in front of a mirror.
• Lift.mpg: 1.91Mb / 35 seconds. (18+) Violent lift in the Hotel Rio in Milan.
• Anal.mpg: 1.01Mb / 19 seconds. I didn't really like the idea of this on the menu at our hotel.
• Milan.avi: 3.01Mb / 20 seconds. Taken in the main square (sorry, piazza) of Milan, Italy.
• Bergamo.avi: 3.73Mb . 27 seconds. Picturesque Piazza Vecchia in Bergamo.
• Luggage.mpg: 247Kb / 4 seconds. Little luggage van at the 'Airporto' in Bergamo, Italy.
• Landing.avi: 2.97Mb / 20 seconds. Our plane making a rough landing back at Luton.
2003 video/web/digicam clips continued:
• Cop.mpg: 1.55Mb / 17 seconds. I arse about with a Plymouth Fury US Highway Patrol car.
• CopCam.mpg: 0.98Mb / 17 seconds. I have more fun with this US Highway Patrol car.
• Art.mpg: 536Kb / 7 seconds. Leaping from this work of art. More on the CST page.
• Art2.mpg: 275Kb / 3 seconds. I enjoy this work of art in a care-free way.
• Rotorscope.avi: 174Kb / 2 seconds. 'Rotoscoped' Monument on top of Coombe Hill.
• Rotor8.avi: 431Kb / 3 seconds. More art of the Chiltern Sculpture Trail.
• BigChopper.mpg: 6.15Mb / 85 seconds. Helicopter ride I blagged whist at an autojumble.
• Trains.mpg: 5.83Mb / 69 seconds. Diddy trains at Bekonscot model village.
• SmallTrains.wmv: 180Kb / 26 seconds. As above, but a shorter, more compressed .wmv.
• Bek-Train.mpg: 590Kb / 6 seconds. I seem to dice with death to get the shot I wanted!
• Brill-Mill.avi: 304Kb / 2 seconds. The Mill at Brill in Bucks being rapidly orbited.
• Head.avi: 331Kb / 1 second. An Easter Island Head Self-Portrait sculpture I made.
My grand Scottish adventure. July 2003: [Click here to see some stills from here]
• Toilet.mpg: 999Kb / 10 seconds. My thoughts on 'The Falls of Foyers' near Loch Ness.
• Jog.wmv: 888Kb / 70 seconds. John o'Groats: Discover how moved I was by being 'North'.
• DouneCastle.mpg: 6.01Mb / 83 seconds. A famous Monty Python film was filmed at Doune.
• DouneCastle.wmv: 553Kb / 83 seconds. As above, but a smaller, compressed .wmv file.
• DouneCastle2.wmv: 1Mb / 83 seconds. As above, but bigger, clearer & better sound effects.
• Coconut.wmv: 527Kb / 40 seconds. I got my hands on some 'Monty Python' coconuts.
• Monty.mpg: 1.41Mb / 9 seconds. "What, the curtains?" re-enacted.
• Monty.avi: 247Kb / 9 seconds. As above, but a smaller, compressed .avi file.
• Nevised.mpg: 5.83Mb / 81 seconds. Bottling it just short of 3,000 feet up Ben Nevis.
• Nevised.wmv: 537Kb / 81 seconds. As above, but a smaller, compressed .wmv file.
• Nevised2.mpg: 2.82Mb / 39 seconds. Philosophising while coming back down Ben Nevis.
• Nevised2.wmv: 260Kb / 39 seconds. As above, but a smaller, compressed .wmv file.
2003 video/web/digicam clips continued:
• Attack.mpg: 2.25Mb / 31 seconds. Some of my friends attack Herstmonceux Castle. Then me.
• Tiny-Attack.wmv: 216Kb / 31 seconds. As above, but a smaller, highly compressed .wmv file.
• 1950da.mpg: 261Kb / 3 seconds. A big lump of rock which may hit Earth in 2880.
September 2003 Kit Car fun!: [Click here to see some stills of my kit]
• On-Days-like-these.mpg: 22.5Mb(!)/ 151 seconds. BIG FILE WARNING! The last of the good weather & I was bored.
One download of On Days Like These by Matt Monro (used over the opening credits on The Italian Job) and a bungy-cord for the tripod later...
• On-Days-like-these.wmv: 1.88Mb / 151 seconds. As above, but a more compressed .wmv file.
• Rendezvous.mpg: 8.59Mb / 58 seconds. 'Rendezvous-style' quick car craziness.
• Rendezvous.wmv: 732Kb / 58 seconds. As above, but a more compressed .wmv file.
2003 video/web/digicam clips continued:
• Lava.avi: 5.06Mb / 194 seconds. Lava Lamp & Creep by 'Galactic Achievement Society'.
• Derren-Brown-Trousers.mpg: 3.65Mb / 24 seconds. Re-enacting his Russian Roulette stunt.
• Derren-Brown-Trousers.avi: 871Kb / 24 seconds. As above, but a smaller .avi file.
• Avebury.mpg: 1.19Mb / 7 seconds. Some of the standing stones in Avebury, Wiltshire.
• Avebury.avi: 385Kb / 7 seconds. As above, but a smaller .avi file.
Alton Towers 2003:
• Corkscrew.mpg: 2.624Mb / 17 seconds. Taken with my wee Fuji A201 digital camera
• Corkscrew.avi: 1.16Mb / 17 seconds. As above, but a smaller .avi file.
• Nemesis2.mpg: 4.57Mb / 30 seconds. Nemesis: I decided to use my camera on it.
• Nemesis2.avi: 1.76Mb / 30 seconds. As above, but a smaller .avi file.
• Air2.mpg: 2.03Mb / 13 seconds. Air: Filmed from Terra Firma.
• Air2.avi: 776Kb / 13 seconds. As above, but a smaller .avi file.
• Logflume.mpg: 2.34Mb / 15 seconds. Log flume: Wet fun, filmed by Fuji.
• Logflume.avi: 739Kb / 15 seconds. As above, but a smaller .avi file.
• Runaway.mpg: 4.53Mb / 30 seconds. Runaway Train: Dull ride, dull commentary.
• Runaway.avi: 1.69Kb / 30 seconds. As above, but a smaller .avi file.
November 2003:
• Autumn-Chilterns.avi: 2.26Mb / 4 seconds. Direct from my camera, at 30fps, while 'caching.
• Autumn-Chilterns-Small.avi: 3336Kb / 4 seconds. As above, but a smaller .avi file.
• BigWheel.avi: 2.63Mb / 2 seconds. Large 34 minute time-lapse video of The London Eye.
Fun without sun in Norway. December 2003 - January 2004: [Click for some stills from here]
• Slippy.mpg: 4.54Mb / 30 seconds. [WARNING - Contains the F-word] See me falling over.
• Slippy.avi: 1.18Mb / 30 seconds. As above, but a smaller .avi file.
• Nippy.mpg: 6.04Mb / 40 seconds. Watch me talk about how cold Norway is in these clips.
• Nippy.avi: 1.3Mb / 40 seconds. As above, but a smaller .avi file.
• Flam.mpg: 11.1Mb / 74 seconds. Swoon as I ride the world famous Flamsbana Railway.
• Flam.avi: 3.2Mb / 74 seconds. As above, but a smaller .avi file.
• NorTunnel.mpg: 4.45Mb / 29 seconds. Goggle as I travel 24.5km underground!
• NorTunnel.avi: 893Kb / 28 seconds. As above, but a smaller .avi file.
• Shower.avi: 1.38Mb / 58 seconds. Wail as I destroy some famous songs in some showers.
2004 video/web/digicam clips continued:
• Qik.mpg: 303Kb / 2 second loop. 040404: Run thro' Greenwich Foot Tunnel, sub-Thames.
• Quick.mpg: 303Kb / 2 seconds. As above, but WITHOUT the annoying noise!
• Mel.mpg: 1.58Mb / 9 seconds. I get rid of a killer duck. Filmed by Mel at Painshill Park.
• MiniTrains.mpg 2.27Mb / 12 seconds. 3 clips of trains I shot while at Bekonscot again.
• Stowe.mpg: 1.4Mb / 16 seconds. Virtually visit Stowe gardens near Buckingham.
• MissingCacher.mpg: 15.9Mb / 190 seconds. 'Cachers go midnight treasure hunting.
• MissingCacher.wmv: 2.35Mb / 190 seconds. As above, but a smaller .wmv file.
• RedBull.mpg: 9.7Mb / 65 seconds. 8th August 2004. Redbull Soapbox race at Knebworth.
• RedBull.wmv: 848Kb / 65 seconds. As above, but a smaller .wmv file.
Whale of a time in Wales. September 2004: [Click here to see some stills from here]
• Snowdon.mpg: 475Kb / 5 seconds. Giggle as you see my silly hat at 1085m (3559ft).
• Prisoner.mpg: 1.6Mb / 19 seconds. Portmeirion, where TV cult 'The Prisoner' was filmed.
• Prisoner.wmv: 241Kb / 19 seconds. As above, but a smaller .wmv file.
2005 video/web/digicam/TV clips:
On the 27th of January I helped my brother (who supplies vehicles for TV & video work) at a midnight shoot in SE London. I ended up
appearing in the video (the MTV-Award nominated 'The Kids Are On High Street' by Madrugada) as 'Thug #2'. I made the bald one laugh.
Click here to see the full video on someone else's site. I appear
around 2 mins 30 seconds into the song. In the clips below, I appear after about 35 seconds:
• PopVideo.mpg: 11.4Mb / 72 seconds. Sorry! Rubbish quality - I filmed this 'off the telly'.
• PopVideo.wmv: 904Kb / 72 seconds. As above, but a smaller .wmv file. [See the official site]
Yes, Television! I made my small-screen debut in February. Please see the links below:
• Countryfile.mpg: 41.7Mb / 266 seconds. A video diary about Geocaching
which I filmed in November and December 2004. It was shown on BBC1's Countryfile programme on 13/02/05.
• Countryfile.wmv: 3.2Mb / 266 seconds. As above, but a smaller .wmv file.
• AllRoundMyPlace.wmv: 14.1Mb / 276 seconds. 'Audiance participation' version, videoed 'live' as the show was on at a cache event I held. In my lounge.
• PointsWest.mpg: 38.1Mb / 243 seconds. A video shot on 15/02/05 and shown on 18/02/05 on
BBC1's Points West regional news programme.
• PointsWest.wmv: 2.92Mb / 243 seconds. As above, but a smaller .wmv file.
More geocaching related videos:
• Burning.mpg: 663Kb / 4 seconds. I shoot a cuddly toy in the face, for a good reason.
• NotANumber.wmv: 1.12Mb / 12 seconds. Setting a geocache in a lake. Chilly!
Other 2005 'stuff':
• Erotica2005.mpg: 2.05Mb / 12 seconds. Visiting Manchester for ETO magazine. 18+ ONLY!
• Erotica2005.wmv: 172Kb / 12 seconds. As above, but a smaller .wmv file.
• CloseCall.mpg: 1.69Mb / 10 seconds. While geocaching I had to cross a railway line...
Scotland roadtrip. June 2005:
• BenClimbed.mpg: 8.67Mb/55 seconds. See me get to the top of this 4,406ft mountain at last!
• BenClimbed.wmv: 704Kb/55 seconds. As above, but a smaller .wmv file.
2006 video/web/digicam/TV clips:
• Prisonbear-Teaser.mpg: 862Kb / 5 seconds. A trailer for the 'Prisoner' spoof below.
• Prisonbear-Teaser.wmv: 68Kb / 5 seconds. As above, but a smaller .wmv file.
New for March 2006!
• Prisonbear.mpg: 107Mb(!) / 719 seconds. The 'Prisoner' spoof I made, with teddies.
• Prisonbear-512.wmv: 43.8Mb. As above, but a smaller .wmv file. Right-click to save.
• Prisonbear-256.wmv: 21.7Mb. As above, but a bit smaller .wmv file. Right-click to save.
• Prisonbear-100.wmv: 8.6Mb. As above, but even smaller .wmv file. So much compression!
MUCH MORE PRISONBEAR STUFF HERE!
Other 2006 'stuff':
• The-Other-Video.mpg: 3.99Mb / 27 seconds. While in Liverpool I saw Another Place.
• The-Other-Video.wmv: 857Kb. As above, but a smaller .wmv file. Right-click to save.
• PrisonerWalk-Spring06.mpg: 19.4Mb / 130 seconds. 9.04.06. London Prisoner locations.
• PrisonerWalk-Spring06.wmv: 4.02Mb. As above, but a smaller .wmv file. Right-click to save.
• PB2-Teaser.mpg: 1.1Mb / 7 seconds. A trailer for my second 'Prisoner' spoof, below.
• PB2-Teaser.wmv: 242Kb / 7 seconds. As above, but a smaller .wmv file.
New for May 2006!
• Prisonbear2.mpg: 115Mb(!) / 778 seconds. Another 'Prisoner' spoof I made, with teddies.
• Prisonbear2-512.wmv: 47.9Mb. As above, but a smaller .wmv file. Right-click to save.
• Prisonbear2-256.wmv: 23.6Mb. As above, but a bit smaller .wmv file. Right-click to save.
• Prisonbear2-100.wmv: 9.29Mb. As above, but even smaller .wmv file. So much compression!
MUCH MORE PRISONBEAR STUFF HERE!
New for July!
• ETOShow2006.mpg 12.7Mb / 86 seconds. 18+ The ETO (Erotic Trade Only) Show at the NEC.
• ETOShow2006.wmv 2.6Mb. As above, but a smaller .wmv file.
• Flaxbourne.mpg 3.1Mb / 19 seconds. A visit to the bizarre gardens of Flaxbourne Farm.
August 11-14 2006; Cumbria in NW England and Portmeirion in NW Wales:
• ScafellPike.mpg: 7.26Mb / 48 seconds. Climbing Scafell Pike for a geocaching event.
• ScafellPike.wmv: 1.55Mb. As above, but a smaller .wmv file.
• WindFarm.mpg: 5.07Mb / 34 seconds. Outside Barrow-in-Furness I found this wind farm.
• Watching-Prisonbear.mpg: 1.03Mb / 7 seconds. At the PM2006 Prisoner event in Wales.
• Dance-Of-The-Ted-Teaser.mpg: 1.41Mb / 9 seconds. A trailer for my latest 'Prisoner' spoof.
• Dance-Of-The-Ted-Teaser.wmv: 483Kb / 9 seconds. As above, but a smaller .wmv file.
September 2006 onwards
• Board-O-Matic.mpg: 22.6Mb / 152 seconds. My bro's new 'thing' he'd knocked together...
• Board-O-Matic.wmv: 4.67Mb. As above, but a smaller .wmv file. Right-click to save.
• OhMyRingCycle.mpg: 25.76Mb / 172 seconds. Sept 24th, on the Kennet & Avon canal.
• OhMyRingCycle.wmv: 5.21Mb. As above, but a smaller .wmv file. Right-click to save.
• SkinTwoRubberBall.mpg: 2.62Mb / 17 seconds. October 7th, at the SKin Two Rubber Ball.
• SkinTwoRubberBall.wmv: 535Kb. As above, but a smaller .wmv file. Right-click to save.
• Healey1.mpg: 5.44Mb / 34 seconds. Filmed in the summer of '06, this is my Austin Healey.
2007 fun 'n' games:
• Portmeirion-Timelapse.avi: 3.13Mb / 15s. Timelapse vid of Portmeirion from Chantry.
• Portmeirion-Prisoner-Tour.mpg: 96.34Mb! / 13m31s. A tour of Priz locations at Portmeirion.
• ETO-Show.mpg: 14.14Mb / 90 seconds. Updated video of last year's ETO Show at the NEC.
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