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January 2002: Paul Smith... On the subtle Art of Management. Alternative title: 'Barely Managing'.
It's a chilling fact that half of all people are below average intelligence. Worse, one in twenty is in the bottom 5%. Most chilling of all, it seems many of them end up as management.
At this point I'm at pains to stress I'm not including my current superiors in this sweeping statement. They're all well-balanced individuals with I.Q.s well into triple figures. However, in the past I've faced remarks like, "We need you to be giving 110%". I felt like asking, "How?" By the very nature of the thing the maximum I can give is 100%. That's all it's possible to give. Perhaps they meant they wanted us to work through our lunch-hours? Again, I half wanted to say, "I tell you what, I'll give you 200% and put myself in an early grave, how'd that be?" But my self-preservation gene stopped me. I've learnt tongue biting is an invaluable office-politics tool when someone whose solitary skill is speaking in the loudest voice is saying something dumb to you. Previously witnessed examples of how-not-to-manage have included:
"Where do you think you're going?"
"I need some Post-its(tm)"
"Sit yourself down. Get them in your own time, you're here to work."
I've even been asked, "You're not still going on about that stupid report, are you?" while chasing for a vital list of potential customers to call. To my way of thinking that's sloppy management at best, and at worse, something involving lots of rude words and name-calling. I don't think anyone finds that sort of attitude helps motivation or improves their ability to do their job. Take the e-mail I received, asking if I felt I was receiving too many irrelevant e-mails. Ironically, up-until that point, I didn't think I was. Once I was interrupted on the phone to be told I shouldn't allow myself to be distracted whilst on the phone, and I've been criticised for taking on additional responsibilities, even though I used my personal time (damn, I did end up working through my lunch-hour after-all) to do them. None of this gives one the rosy glow of appreciation. Never forget that to some people the feeling of being valued by a firm is as much an incentive to stay there as the money.
If you manage people, bare in mind that it's not always necessary to beat them with a stick until they squeak to get the best out of them. A happy employee is a productive employee, and if helpful suggestions, support and a little care make them happy, then try that. Perhaps you don't need to stare them out, use 'the long silence technique' in meetings or otherwise intimidate them to get the performance results you're both looking for. That style of management is bullying by another name. The only difference is the threat's not that you'll pinch their dinner money, it's that you'll sack them. You don't need to be a genius to know Respect and the Desire to Succeed are far better to install in your subordinates than Fear.
507 dummy spitting words Dale, but lots of them are quite short. Thank God I'm no longer being treated like this, eh? Ha ha aha…
Paul
Note: I took quite a lot of flack at work over this article. The darling puppets of the HR department even got involved. Although I did say in it that I wasn't referring to my then management, HR felt it could bring the firm into disrepute. I've always maintained that the column isn't about any individual, and it's true, it isn't. However I can now exclusively reveal that much of it was inspired by a woman called Nichola. If she made the subject of bad management all about her, that's something she needed to look at fixing for herself. But she preferred to spend her time intimidating her 'inferiors' with threats and assorted head-games. I've worked with some obnoxious people in my time, but she was remarkable... I could go on. Actually. I think I will: If you ever reads this Nic, I'd like to point out you can spell 'They're' as There and Their too. You don't have to rely on just the one version. Oh, and just out of interest, do you put your makeup on in the dark? For more tales of fun and games with this lady, take a look at the Paul in the Media Page.