paul smith's Snaps & Bytes e-home
March 2000
My customers make me laugh. Usually it's with, but occasionally it's at, but at least I get a chuckle once in a while. For example, the other day I was chatting on the phone to a customer about his two loveable scamps, or as he put it, children…
"Well, Paul wasn't looking too happy in the pictures", said Ed.
I gave my cheesy grin. "That's so cute! You named him after me?"
"Actually I named them both after you."
"Really? What's the other one called?"
"Twat."*
I think the true measure of how good or bad your relationship with a customer or supplier is isn't if you play golf together or not. It's how rude and abusive you can be (in a playful way, naturally) without overstepping the mark. Although, sadly, it's not always easy to judge where that illusive mark lies. I remember years ago I dealt with a big account who would always call up and ask for 'the wanker', and say "Hello Paul, you bastard". I assumed at the time it was his comedy way and joined in, but it turned out that he just hated my guts. Some you win…
Giving me less smiles has been the legal profession, as this month I've been in trouble over this very column. In the December issue of the Indie magazine I foolishly used the word 'biro' to refer to ballpoint pens generally. What I should have written is 'Biro™' or alternatively 'ballpoint pen', as Pettman Smith Solicitors were kind enough to point out to me. Consequently, through this column, I'd like to offer my most sincere and humble apologies to the upstanding firm that is Biro Bic Limited for any reduction in the perceived value of their Mark. I won't do it again.
Trademark infringement is a funny old area though, isn't it? If I mention I use a Dyson™ (one of the finest vacs in the land. Please don't sue my ass, as he has no money of his own) to do the hoovering, will Solicitors for Hoover™ send me a snotty letter to demand I should have written I use a Dyson™ to do my vacuum cleaning? Now this has been printed, we'll all just have to wait and see! I'll keep you updated on any developments. But more seriously, folks, I'm sure you've got trademarked names all over your price-lists, brochures, shop signs and/or press advertising. Let my recent experience guide you. I quietly suggest you put at the bottom of the page something like 'All trademarks are the property of their respective owners and are acknowledged'. That's if you don't want to help a Solicitor justify his or her sad 'n' sorry parasitic existence.
Paul's Thought for the month: Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
(Weasels™ is a registered mark of the Huge-Bastard Corporation of America ® and is so acknowledged it hurts.)
*I can't make stuff this good up! By the way, why am I lopsidedly squinting in every picture of me in existence?
I appear to have entered my sweary period! 506 words. I hope this is ok Dale, and it won't get us in trouble, will it? Ultimately who would be pursued through the courts for damages? Me for writing it or you, as editor, for including it? :o)