paul smith's Snaps & Bytes e-home
September 2000: Paul Smith writes… Of re-branding and e-Love.
The ECTS has the wrong name. Let's break it down. Ok, sure, it's always held in England, which is technically a European country. That's in the same way that the Isle of Man in technically in the UK, if you know what I mean. What I am saying is it's not very central, is it? And there are Computers there, mostly running the light shows and lasers. You may know I have long had a problem with the Trade part of the name, given that I sometimes can't see the tottie for prepubescent Shop Managers and toddling Systems Analysts. Leaving us 'Show', which is the 25% of 'ECTS' that I don't have an intrinsic problem with. Hence I propose, Prince-like, that it's simply renamed 'The Show'. Or, if that is just a bit too vague, I quite like: The Top-Left-hand-bit of Europe Software, Console and Peripheral Extravaganza. Or TLESCPE for short. If we are really to have a change of venue to somewhere a bit cooler than the tropical hothouse at Kew gardens, then should we not have a full re-branding exercise? TeLESCoPE, where the industry looks ahead. Hey, that's not bad…. "Miller Freeman? Hi, my name's Paul Smith and I've had this gre- Hello? Hello?"
I have to admit I met my new girlfriend via the Internet. I know it sounds as tacky as the blue stuff you put posters up with, but I promise it wasn't due to some sordid chat-room cyber encounter. She responded to a piece of fiction (Oh yes. Didn't you know? I 'write') I'd had posted up on a site and the modern wonder of e-mail took it from there. This has made me think about how society has been changed, in a very real way, by the communolution I have previously mentioned in these sacred pages. I know more about a Scottish girl called Jill who's bored and in Zimbabwe than I do about my next-door neighbors, I've kind of gone off television and I can't remember what the inside of my bank looks like. It is becoming, in the words of Vladimir Lenin, a Funny Old World. Or a Brave New One. Your call. On a lighter note I have discovered a Yorkshireman invented the Internet. Just look at the evidence: E-mail. E-commerce. E-tailing. Ee, lad, come down off t' roof, ya daft ha'path. See? And don't forget what all flat cap wearers drink, "Ey, Tea"
Quick half-hearted rant time! 15" monitor, 14" viewable screen. 14" monitor, 13" viewable screen. Now that's not so hard is it? I'm tutting as I type this.
And finally, in this season of anticipation, let us spend a moment looking back on the world as it once was. It was 20 years ago that the Sinclair ZX80 was launched. While you may be feeling side-lined in an increasingly 'big-boys' cooperate world, just be thankful you aren't encumbered by a whole 1k of Ram and a keyboard that feels as responsive as the lid of a Tupperware bowl.
502 words and some iffy spelling, Dale. I hope this is both thought provoking and entertaining. Ok… if that's too much to hope for, then I'll just hope it's not utter crap. I missed my Homer Simpson confession in this month's addition. Does this mean I have escaped the indignity? By the way I loved your new column. I smiled knowingly as I read it! But what the hell were you doing in PC Word in the fist place? Turncoat, lol!
That's all my waffle for now. Stay Welsh,
Paul Smith (28)