paul smith's Snaps & Bytes e-home
September 2001: Paul Smith... Moralises whilst getting too fond of his hardware.
For some it's the slither of nylon on nylon and the click of a stiletto heel. For others it's the smell and tactile properties of leather. Some get gratification from Erotic Vomiting (I've seen it on the Internet so it must be true!) while others enjoy the simple pleasures afforded by a latex clad nurse and a salt-water enema. My kink is, in a way, kinkier. It's time for me to come out as a techno-fetishist.
I thought I was just a Technophile, a propeller-headed gadget gimp. But several recent purchases have made me admit to myself that my fondness of hardware goes much deeper than that. Like some of you I imagine, it's why I got into I.T. in the first place, so I can play with such cool stuff all day long! Actually that's no longer true. I just get chained the phone for hours talking about cool stuff, which is the next best thing. I think it's because I'm extolling the virtues of gear I'd love to own myself that makes me an enthusiastic salesman. And it's easy to get enthusiastic about some of the goodies Ingram Micro sells.
Take Digital Cameras as a cute example. I bought an aluminium-bodied Fuji for my dad last month and it was the curviest darn thing I've ever seen, including Anna Nicole Smith in a tight PVC cat suit. This is an enthusiasts market with such potential I've considered starting my own business to flog them. I even came up with a catchy name: Snaps & Bytes. I'd deal in new and used equipment too, because what every chap wants is a newer, bigger camera and someone to take his (this gadget-freakisum seems to be a male thing) old one off his hands for a half-decent price. I'd do consumables and add-ons. I'd have a website. And best of all, I'd have saucy little boxes of delight all around me! Whimper.
My fetish got whipped into a frenzy the other day when I noticed I've been here for six months, and thus eligible for the 0% APR staff deferred payment scheme. This happened to coincide with some cut-price notebooks appearing on our system, so now I'm the proud owner of a matt black stealth IBM with a 15" TFT screen and a DVD drive. I'm in lust! This thing's sleeker than an oiled panther driving a Ferrari. I've honestly thought about using its PCMCIA port in a way IBM never intended it to be used! Now I've realised it's gone too far.
While some men get 'a bit funny' about their car, my perversion can thankfully be indulged behind closed doors, out of public sight. As vices go it's cheaper than most habits, carries no health risks and won't land me in gaol. I was going to seek help for my addiction, but as I don't drink, smoke, use drugs, gamble or beat up old people for kicks, I might as well enjoy it. What else would I do for fun?
501 industry relevant words of confession Dale.
Have a good weekend and talk to you soon!
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