paul smith's Snaps & Bytes e-home
November 2000: Paul Smith writes… About personal development and faking it.
I will never take an F1 car around Stowe corner and I'll never fly a Boeing 737 into JFK in thick fog. I don't expect I'll ever race the Mille Miglia against Stirling Moss or go 3 rounds with Prince Naseem. These things bother me. Was it De Carté who said, "I am my experiences, and without knowing what it's like to do all these things, I am half a man"?* Thank you simulations I say, because they let me faux-experience these situations. But just how accurate are they? Would my Soul know the difference?
Last month I was in the relatively unique position to compare a simulation with the real thing. No, BA had not taken leave of their senses and handed me a snazzy peaked hat and the controls of a large passenger aircraft. Nor had Naz thrown me a pair of gloves and promised to go easy for the first few rounds. I am talking of driving a Ferrari 355. As something of a wheel nut, and a devout follower of Clarkson (may the Lord have mercy upon his hair), I have long held the 355 in high esteem. It's been my idea of motoring nirvana. On the 19th of October I drove one around Thruxton Racetrack, and the day after I bought a copy of Ferrari 355 for my Dreamcast. The comparison? Well, given that a 355 costs about £100k, and even a few laps in one costs £50, you'd expect it to be more fun than the software, and you'd be right. However, to its advantage the 0's and 1's version is happy without a climate controlled garage. One area the game falls down badly on is smell. The leather interior. The slight whiff of burning rubber when you overcook the tyres. The hint of urine when you find yourself unexpectedly in the kitty litter, going sideways at 110mph. I guess this could be addressed with a scratch-and-sniff page in the handbook? I imagine a sachet of something which sets your nerves on edge and makes your stomach flip could be included in future versions, but there is no simple way to pull lateral G (Ali's not-so-hip brother) in your lounge so it can be forgiven that failing. You need to sit close to the screen to fool your peripheral vision, and putting a pair of surround-sound speakers behind you is a must too. Get a mate sitting next to you to say, in a too-calm voice, "You braked a bit too late there, didn't you? And you're still turning in too sharply" and you're nearly there.
To sum up, the Ferrari 355 is a fine automobile, but not raw enough for me to think of it as a sports car (I like to feel that the car is in a conspiracy with my right foot to kill me) and the game is ok, if a little formulaic.
One last thought; Am I the only person wishing Microsoft could simulate a decent operating system?
*No it wasn't.
[NOTE FOR DALE: Can you print this upside-down like the answer to a quiz question?]
502 words Dale… if it's crap it may be too late for me to do something else, but let me know.
Paul