When I was very little I had this car. It was great. It's probably why
I've retained an interest in motors ever since. I still grin like this when I've been out for a blast in my kit car.
PAUL'S THOUGHT: COWS ARE INTRINSICALLY FUNNY. DON'T TRY TO FIGHT IT.
There are bicycles and there are tricycles. This, my A-Level design project, was both,
depending on what you wanted to use it for.
You could have it with a luggage bin at the back when it was being a trike, it was a bastard to ride as a bike and it got me a C grade. Or was it a D?
Either way, it was my famous Recumbent Omni-Cycle and I still have the bits in my fathers attic. Offers invited.
PAUL'S THOUGHT: AVOID SEX WITH STRANGERS. ALWAYS INTRODUCE YOURSELF FIRST.
My Yamaha RD350 YPVS, or 'The Powervalve' as it was usually known, was my first bike after passing my test. Before this lurid-red-road-rocket I rode such delights as
a Kawasaki AR125 and a Suzuki GP100/125. This 350cc, two-stroke nutter was something of a step up, and I have many happy memories of popping wheelies away from traffic lights and
other antics which would cause old women to wave sticks at me. If you ever want to grin so wide your head is in danger of parting company with your neck, this is the bike I'd
recommend to you. And then some bar steward nicked it. Arse.
Places to visit: This is a bike, not a place. But I had monster fun with it
on the roads between Winslow and Buckingham in Buckinghamshire.
PAUL'S THOUGHT: BE NICE TO FISH. YOU NEVER KNOW.
To the left: This strange contraption is and was my first car, a 1971 Bond Bug 700ES. One of only about 1500 ever made, this three wheeler was my
wet weather transport from the age of 21 to 25. At 25 I passed my Driving test (on my first try, I may add!) and left the world of motorcycling
and Bond Bugs far behind. I still own this 70's wonder, which was mad(e) by the Reliant Company of Tamworth in Staffordshire, UK, and plan to fully rebuild it
one day. Originally it was Orange (they all were) but it has also been metallic green, yellow and now black. It's also been fitted with a 850cc engine from a Reliant
Robin. Very unusually, this car was supplied by Bond with two alloy wheels and two steel ones, and more info on it can be found on my
Bond Buggery Page. Or there's a 1.1Mb silent AVI video of Bugs to be found just here.
In the middle: These are Corgi models of my bizarre car. More info on them can be found on my Arty Farty Page.
On the right: A poster used to promote the Bond when it was launched in 1970. Click on the thumbnail picture for a larger (500k) picture.
Places to visit: This is a car, not a place. However, for the record, Woburn Abbey where the Bug was launched in 1970 is very nice.
PAUL'S THOUGHT: DON'T PUT OFF UNTIL
TOMORROW WHAT YOU CAN DELEGATE TODAY.
For a couple of years I drove this fine example of a beige C-reg. VW Passat estate. It was cheap. It was fast-ish (2ltr. 5 cylinder engine, fuel injection, 120 Bhp).
And thanks to springs so soft they may once have been used as pillows, it was very comfy too. This picture was taken when I went down to Devon to see the Solar
Eclipse in August 1999. Now you can see why no one got to view the great event all that well!
PAUL'S THOUGHT: DON'T USE THE DARK FORCES
OF VOODOO TO HELP YOU SHOP FOR SHOES.
Top: A previous practical mode of transport was my trusty Subaru Legacy,
which as you can see, was both grey and an estate. I still fear the coming of slippers.
It was a very good car in the snow and with its 12 CD auto-changer, if I'd ever been stranded,
at least I'd have had some tunes to listen to while I awaited rescue. It got between
35 and 28 miles per gallon and had a small oil leak. Really, those are were most exciting things about it.
I had to get rid of it when I became the first person ever to break a Subaru gearbox.
Bottom: As I say, my old Scooby Doo was good in the snow, where the all-wheel drive and
limited slip differentials, plus the low ratio gearbox all came in handy. If only it had been
bright orange and had tracks it would've been perfect for the harsh winter months we suffer in
north Buckinghamshire, as seen from my bedroom window below:
PAUL'S THOUGHT: FOOLS RUSH IN, EXCEPT
FOR THE SLOW FOOLS, WHO AMBLE IN.
PAUL'S THOUGHT: HAIR TO BLEACH AND THEN YOU DYE IT.
Left: My last weekday and damp weather mode of transport was, to my shame, this ancient Renault 5 Campus.
It had a throbbing 1108cc engine (which blew-up when I tried to drive it more than 30 miles in a single sitting),
a wide selection of forward gears (pick from an exciting range of four!)
and real glass windows. On the up-side (and there really had to be one) the insurance and road-tax
were both cheap and it'd do silly numbers of miles-per-gallon if used carefully. Which I didn't, hence the explosion.
Oh yes, and even though it had no ABS, CL, EW, FSH, PAS or airbags, it did have a sunroof. And a radio. That didn't work.
Right: In case you thought this car wasn't quick enough to possibly kill anything, here's a picture
to prove you wrong. In March 2002 this poor little fellow made the fatal error of crossing the road
without looking both ways first. I felt guilty enough to remove him, rather than leaving him attached to my
grill as some sort of morbid 'road-kill' trophy. I do have compassion.
I was going to use this picture on a page entitled Things that I've killed, but people told me this
would be creepy.
Left: After some careful measuring, I can exclusively reveal that my car is 5cm longer than my house is wide. This
seems a bit mixed up to me, but what do I know? The car is also faster than my house. Bonus.
Oh yes, and this one has ABS, CL, EW, FSH, PAS but still no damn airbags. However it does have a sunroof. And a radio. And
this one works! Woop!
Middle: My current motor is a Jaguar XJ40, which is the 4ltr. version of the XJ6. It has a 6 cylinder
in-line all-aluminium engine, featuring double overhead camshafts operating the motors 24 valves... etc.
As you can see, Jaguars are popular in my family. Pictured above, left to right with the sun in our eyes,
is my dad Mike on his X300, my brother Adam on his Series II and me on mine.
My dad has also has a 5.3ltr. XJS, and my brother often owns others too.
Other middle: Here again! The Nation Trust should think about charging me to
photograph my cars in front of this grand archway at Stowe House, just north of Buckingham.
I took this picture of my Kit car there too.
Right: May 2003 was a nice time to be out in the car, with the aircon on.
One nice day I took myself up to the top of the Chiltern hills and launched myself off,
with the help of my bicycle. It's a great area for riding, with a wide selection of terrains and gradients, with some wonderful
views across the Vale of Aylesbury.
Majorca is a bit of a cheat really, because I couldn't find my drivers licence so
Judith did all the driving. My map reading skills improved massively that week.
I've also hired a motorbike on Guernsey, skis in Switzerland and a bicycle on Sark :-)
I enjoy the challenges of driving abroad and can whole-heartedly recommend...sorry, I should do this properly:
Places to visit: The roads on the south-west coast of Madeira are the most amazing in the world! Don't try them in an open top car though,
because there are frequent waterfalls crashing onto it, making this area popular with people wanting to wash their car with minimum effort.
PAUL'S THOUGHT: REALLY NICE BREASTS ARE NO
GUARANTY OF A REWARDING RELATIONSHIP.
PAUL'S THOUGHT: MY FRIENDS TOLD ME TO JUST
BE MYSELF, I WAS, AND NOW THEY HATE ME.
(With thanks to Rob Newman.)
Left: My word that was fun! 380bhp, £100,000 worth of car and a wide, dry racetrack. What more can I say? Other than I would have preferred a red one.
Right: Also in October 2000. The grin tells you I've just been seriously entertained around Thruxton racetrack
in a Porsche Boxster. And yes, that is a lovely helmet I have there, isn't it?
PAUL'S THOUGHT: SHE LOOKED LIKE A PAINTED
WHORE, BUT I KINDA LIKE THAT IN A GIRL...
Right: What a big car that was...
In late October 2001 I was taken into London for a day-o'-fun (London Eye, The Comedy Store, etc.)
in this beast of a limousine with some other guys from work.
It's the funniest damn thing to have people gawking at you as you work your way through the traffic,
all thinking you must be pop-stars. A very odd yet strangely thrilling experience. We drove into town
watching Snatch on the cars DVD player and helping ourselves to the bar. If you ever get the
chance to hire one of these behemoths, I heartily recommend it.
All that's Left: What a long car that was...
Again, in late April 2002 I was taken into London for an evening-o'-fun (Nice meal, The Comedy Store, etc.)
in this airship hanger pretending to be a limousine with some other other guys from work. The driver was a nice chap who offered to
get me a brass* in town if I ever wanted to bonk while driving past famous London landmarks. I declined his offer, but took his card.
PAUL'S THOUGHT: FAITH CAN MOVE MOUNTAINS. THERE AGAIN, SO CAN NUCLEAR BOMBS.
Petrol runs in my families veins. My brother is a used car dealer (the shame of it!) and my father
collects motoring memorabilia and,as you can see, the occasional car too. He used to compete in rallies
including the RAC. In a Skoda, amongst others.
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