PAUL'S THOUGHT: IS THIS THE WORLDS MOST HANDY PENKNIFE?
This, according to my brother, is the biggest (in the sense that it has the most tools)
Swiss Army Knife in the world. He may be right, he may be wrong, but one thing I know for sure. It does have a bloody lot of tools.
PAUL'S THOUGHT: TAKE WHAT YOU NEED AND LEAVE THE REST.
Milton Keynes, spring 2002. While training for
The London to Brighton Cycle Ride I cycled from
Winslow to M.K. quite a few times. On one trip, Judith and I visited this temple, which stands besides a lake, and arsed about. I arsed more than she,
but I'm big enough to get away with it.
PAUL'S THOUGHT: RIGHT UP YOUR ALLEY?
Well, it made me laugh, but I will admit I don't always have the most sophisticated sense of humour...
PAUL'S THOUGHT: TO A DESPERATE MAN IN
HOSPITAL, YOU'RE JUST A WASTE OF ORGANS.
During the long Bank Holiday to celebrate QE2's Golden Jubilee (note the flag at the front of the train) Judith and I went for one of
our regular rides from Winslow to Milton Keynes. This very pleasant (route 51 in the national network) trip takes us past this topiary train.
I took this shot by using our two bikes leaning together as a make-shift tripod. You see, I'm a creative problem solver. At least, that's what
it says on my CV. (A note for American visitors: I mean Resume. With a dash over the 'e').
PAUL'S THOUGHT: DO YOU REMEMBER NOSTALGIA? IT WAS GREAT, WASN'T IT?
As a young man of seventeen I developed my wide shoulders. Some time later the rest of my body caught up.
This photograph was taken in the CDT workshop during the intervening months.
Shoes by Villa. Shirt by M&S. The stupid
expression was the models own.
PAUL'S THOUGHT: YOU HAVE TO BELIEVE IN FATE OR SEAT BELTS. YOU CAN'T BELIEVE IN BOTH OF THEM.
This is me and the Greatstone-on-Sea Listening Device. It was built in the 20's on the Kent coast not far from Dungeness as a kind of fore-runner of radar. The idea was
it would allow us to hear approaching enemy aircraft early. It didn't work very well, so it was left, as it were, to its own devices. I was here for a bitterly cold (note the bright pink ears) dawn on 20th November 2000.
Places to visit: Well, The shots above were taken in Kent, near the Dungeness Nuclear Power station.
It has a visitors centre, so perhaps pop in there some time?
PAUL'S THOUGHT: THE NEXT TIME YOU HAVE A YARD
OF RUBBER TUBING IN YOUR HANDS, PAUSE A
MOMENT TO ASK YOURSELF, IS IT NATURES WAY?
Tennis is a sport where people try to get something past other people. And you do this on a court. Am I the only person to
see the link? Anyway, as you can see I'm shockingly poor at this game, lacking any of the basic skills needed
to play it well. I don't let my inability's stop me from playing it badly though. Ah, the Bulldog spirit Churchill was
so keen on, eh?
PAUL'S THOUGHT: NEVER HIDE A BODY IN A SHALLOW GRAVE.
WITHIN DAYS A MAN WALKING HIS DOG WILL FIND IT.
Some time in the 90's (now there's accuracy for you!) Judith and I went to London for the
Motor Show and afterwards popped by an old Egyptian friends place by the Thames to say hi.
That's Judith's tongue sticking out, not a lip swollen from a bee sting as one person suggested.
PAUL'S QUESTION: WHAT DO GOOD WORKMEN BLAME WHEN STUFF GOES WRONG?
A bearded face is the one true sign of wisdom wrote Plato. Still, he was Greek and what do they know about anything except how to make Kebabs? Or is that the Turks? Anyway, I'm not
going to get all racist and Eastern Mediterranean on you. These are pictures of me sober and
with a beard. 'Nuff said.
PAUL'S THOUGHT: THE ABILITY TO LIGHT YOUR
FARTS IS NOTHING TO BE PROUD OF.
In this remarkable photograph,
Judith is seen to materialise a 'spirit entity' from her head. Despite close examination by experts, this
picture had passed every test of authenticity.
PAUL'S THOUGHT: NEVER STAND UNDER A SOLITARY
TREE IN A THUNDERSTORM, KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
Not far from the M40 and Chinnor, is a wonderful Woodland Sculpture trail.
Here I am, being meditative on a section of carpeted woodland.
This picture is also seen on my Chiltern Sculpture Trail page.
PAUL'S THOUGHT: NEVER TRUST SOMEONE
WHO'S RUN OUT OF SENSIBLE IDEAS.
Oh dear! Look at these two poor unfortunates.
Flu can be a nasty thing, but there is a joy in passing it on to your nearest and dearest.
PAUL'S THOUGHT: 'FOUR INTO ONE WON'T GO' - THIS
IS WHERE THE WORLDS OF BASIC MATHEMATICS
AND THE PORNOGRAPHIC MOVIE INDUSTRY MEET.
The firms Christmas outing. Joy.
This is when I worked for a company in Watford.
I am not gay now, and despite all the evidence, nor was I then. I love this picture because of the way a chap called Richard (sitting to my right)
is eating his dinner. And he'd been properly brought up too! Amazing!
PAUL'S THOUGHT:IF YOU'VE EVER DONE ANYTHING BIZARRE
WITH ANIMALS, DON'T TELL YOUR FRIENDS ABOUT IT, STEVE.
A fair plethora of Bond Bugs. This shot was taken at Woburn Abbey, where the car was launched in 1970. My father runs an Autojumble there
every year. For more Bond Buggery, visit my page of the same
name:
PAUL'S THOUGHT: BE NICE TO PEOPLE ON THE WAY UP.
IF YOU HAVE TO SHARE THE LIFT WITH ANYONE,
BETTER IT BE FRIENDS THAN ENEMIES.
Left:
Ever wonder what the microphone on your mobile
phone gets to see all the time you're chatting? Nope? Good. There is a fair chance you're sane then.
I, on the other hand, seem to be walking a tight-rope over a deep pool of madness.
It's fun to tread the fine line sometimes. It's when you meet someone coming
the opposite direction on the rope that your troubles really start. Lots more like this here!
Right:
While pulling faces for a series of pictures for my bedroom wall
(only ask if you think you can handle the answer) I took this photo, which I think shows the true, inner me.
The background, by the way, is simply my shower curtain. Nothing more interesting or fancy than that. And yes, this image did
find its way onto my bedroom wall. I think it may help keep evil spirits out of the house.
PAUL'S THOUGHT: NEVER TRUST ANYONE WHO LAUGHS AT THEIR OWN WEAK JOKES IN AN EVIL WAY.
The Yarcombe Dog Races. They have some funny ways down in Devon (where Judith's parents now live). This is one of them. A regular, yearly event, sees dogs, well, racing. In
Yarcombe. Hence Yarcombe Dog Races. See?
Places to visit: Devon is lovely, but I can recommend the museum in Chard above all else,
if only for its collection of artificial limbs.
PAUL'S THOUGHT: IF THERE'S A SPEED OF LIGHT,
WHY ISN'T THERE A SPEED OF HEAVY?
Say nothing. I know. Yes, it looks ridiculous, but I was 16ish and that was the fashion back then...
to wear your hair on.
PAUL'S THOUGHT: RUN. DON'T LOOK BACK!
RUN TOWARDS THE LIGHTS.
I have a good face for snarling, and here is the proof. I also do a fabulous manic grin, as seen above. People tell me I have a very expressive face...as they're backing away usually.
PAUL'S THOUGHT: MONEY WON'T MAKE YOU HAPPY.
STILL, NO HARM IN TRYING EH?
I'm a fire starter, twisted fire starter.
Pictured a moment before ignition (it's a bugger to time these things correctly) here I am fire breathing
with the assistance of an old mate, Steve Barton (pictured left). The last I'd heard of Steve he'd jumped the country with a selection
of monies which may, possibly, not have been entirely his.
I believe he is now living as 'Gloria' in Australia. Shocked to see me with hair? Click here to see me as a blonde!
PAUL'S THOUGHT: BEFORE REMOVING YOUR NIPPLES, THINK
CAREFULLY. WILL YOU MISS THEM WHEN THEY'RE GONE?
January 2001. According to my research into The End of The World, I believe this may be something of an omen about The End Of Days
and the coming of Satan (who, at this time I feel may be Matthew Kelly). Of course, it may just be a
harmless total eclipse of the moon...Can we really afford to take that chance?!
PAUL'S THOUGHT: STICK TO THE PATH, HUMAN.
A very funny (if badly photographed) sign Judith and I discovered outside of Thame, Oxfordshire on one of out jaunts into the countryside.
One can imagine the story behind (quite literally) it!
August 2002 addition:
I received the following e-mail out of the blue one day:
Dear Doctor,
Whilst researching the intricate detail of Bonded Transport regulations UK my search engine threw up this amazing site which I found addictive. After several hours official research time it gave me no clues to the exciting world of Bonded Transport nor any of the regulations thereof, however I did come across a brilliant photo of a sign for HGV Drivers.
My dilemma, dear Doctor, I would like to use this photo for my company magazine, (we are a transport Company) but having read the strict copyright regulations on the page I am scared for my kneecaps and the possible threat to my pet poodle. What is the best way to approach Mr. Smith to gain his trust and get the sort after permission I need to reproduce this picture.
Yours questioningly
Howard
And I replied:
Dear Howard (if that is your real name),
Never in my 30 years of practising medicine (I'm not too bad now) have I received a more worrying missive. Except from that one from the woman with smallpox. Dark days.
Anyway, my advice would be to use the direct approach with Mr Smith. From the little you've told me (and frankly, who wouldn't want to shoot poodles if they could get away with it?) I believe he'd respect you for it.
I can only imagine a photograph of a sign of interest to HGV drives could also include his ex-girlfriend (whom, no doubt, he's still friends with) and I suppose he'd also wish to get her permission for it to be reproduced before accepting your request. I also think that a picture on a web site may also be available as a higher-resolution original, so perhaps you should ask for that to be e-mailed to you?
You may also wish to bribe Mr Smith with the offer of a copy of the magazine, as the easy way to get a result with 'his sort' is to pander to his ego.
I hope this has been of some help to you, so-called Howard.
Regards,
Doctor Locum
All this, I believe, shows that it's A Funny Old World, And No Mistake. Oh yes. And he did send me a copy of the magazine. Bless him.
PAUL'S THOUGHT: NEVER UNDER ESTIMATE THE
POWER OF A SHORT SENTENCE IN CAPITALS.
May 2001. On a trip out to a National Trust property,
Paul discovers the world of PRO-AM face pulling with his ex, Judith. The rest is history.
The rest is as good as a change. I fear change. Ten and five pence pieces, particularly.
There are just no excuses for this sort of behaviour in public. It was the same hot Saturday in May 2001 that the images above were taken. The same hazy day I drove up to the North of Bucks with Judith in my Kit car.
The same day I mowed my lawn, shopped for a shirt and dinner, and even found time to fix my Dads printer. All in all, a busy, silly day! The following Sunday in bed would have been nice, but instead I watched the GP and tried to replace the thermostat on my Subaru.
The shop had given me the wrong size which rather mucked things up, repair-wise, so anyway...
am I starting to waffle? They say you are what you eat...
Some 6ish years earlier, Judith stood on the very same spot, clutching her crash helmet and wondering
what she was doing with this idiot who was asking her to jump up and down while he took photographs.
As you see, it required many years of badgering for her to find the courage within herself to leap about like a loon. And god bless her
for doing it. This picture is also seen on my Stowe Photographs page.
PAUL'S THOUGHT: WHAT'S SO GREAT ABOUT BEING UNWASHED?
You know the story. You've been there yourself many many times.
A bored evening, knocking about the house. A neon tube lamp bought as a Christmas gift.
The joyous recollection of a judo suit in the
garage... Been there, done that, right? Almost a cliché of 21st century single British life, in fact.
Anyway, for more stuff from that heady evening, visit my Too Much Time On
My Hands page.
PAUL'S THOUGHT: AS I WAS SAYING TO THE POPE ONLY THE
OTHER DAY, I'M NOT A COMPULSIVE LIAR. I JUST ENJOY IT.
During February 2003 I visited London and discovered, much to my obvious delight,
that Kings Cross Train Station caters for all sorts of visitors. Not only the disabled, but the extraterrestrial too! I think that
putting-in dedicated Dalek recharge points in public places like this can only be a good thing. Too long we have battled with them over the
domination of the Earth, and I believe this move will be viewed as an olive branch. I, for one, applaud it.
PAUL'S THOUGHT: "...BUT I DON'T WANT TO BE A PONYGIRL". "THAT'S A VERY BLINKERED VIEW...."
In March 2003 I went to a sports centre in the Midlands and
met these guys, among others. They weren't lost in a time warp, they were actually stall holders at a re-enactment fair, where you
could buy Napoleonic hats, W.W.I gas masks and medieval shoes - as bought by my mate Gavin for £84.
I know, but there's no history of insanity in his family...
PAUL'S THOUGHT: WHY IS THERE ONLY ONE JOKE ABOUT THE MONOPOLIES COMMISSION?
For Red Nose Day 2003 I coloured my hair red, and spent the day receiving the sort of
abuse and feeling the sort of social stigma that all Gingers get. I personally feel they deserve all they get, but I know this point of view
isn't a very politically correct attitude these days. Whenever I look at this picture, I get an eery feeling about a lost twin I might have,
wandering the byways of County Cork in Ireland.
PAUL'S THOUGHT: DON'T ACCEPT ANY WOODEN NICKELS.
On the same day as the shot above was taken, I waked my dads dog for him at sunset, and
discovered that under the right lighting conditions I can have a 4,322" inside-leg measurement.
PAUL'S THOUGHT: I AM BUT THE CONDUIT.
I could tell you what the pictures above are all about. But then I'd have to kill you. Or at the very least pay someone else to. Ok, you twisted my arm. My brother got involved in a film project, and it fell to me to make an ex-US Airforce base police car look like a Highway Patrol vehicle. We mucked about with it first, and when it was finished we mucked about with it some more. In the middle, I shot two videos of it. And now, you must die... Don't act like I didn't warn you. Try escaping to my Portraits Page if you like. You can run, but you can't hide.
There are just no excuses for this sort of behaviour in public. It was the same hot Saturday in May 2001 that the images above were taken. The same hazy day I drove up to the North of Bucks with Judith in my 
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