WHERE CAN YOU GO TODAY?
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There's a lot of stuff on these pages, so they may take a minute or two to download. Please chill.

A great big warm and hearty
This is one of the few images on this site not 100% created by me. I went to 'www.3dtextmaker.com' and made it there. It's a wonderful site, so click here to pay a (short) visit.
from your zappy happy host
A real simple one, this one. Basically, click here to e-mail me!

Thanks for visiting my challenging personal web site!

Last updated:
[
12th November 2003 ]

Please use the links above or to the left* or the drop-down menu at the top of the page to explore my remarkable site. Failing that, you'll find this page littered with animated Flash links, text links and handy images to get you to much more interesting places.

Paul's Thought-of-the-day for the

My T-o-t-d changes daily. Please visit again for my next startling pronouncement, due at midnight tonight.

Please don't miss my Webcam page! Click here to experience it for yourself. Oh go on. It can't hurt... (TV surround pinched from some CD or other.)
Please don't miss my Webcam page! Click here to experience it for yourself. Oh go on. It can't hurt... (TV surround pinched from some CD or other.)
Please don't miss my Webcam page! Click here to experience it for yourself. Oh go on. It can't hurt... (TV surround pinched from some CD or other.)

Tired tongue? Click here for my unique Internet-based automatic postage stamp licker!
Or else, why not try clicking here to see my stunningly beautiful Picture of the Month feature.
Click to read Flannan Isle, a poem by Gibson about the last great mystery of the 19th century.

Below: A little entertainment before you go looking
for something better to do. Just follow the simple
instructions for hours of low-calorie, guilt-free pleasure.

Or click here to see a version you can run 'full-screen'.
(You'll need to close the new window to return to this page.)

Can you find all 16,777,216 combinations?

What you'll find on these crazy pages:

If blue blocks are moving below, this feature is ready to use
Or please click just here to see a version you can run 'full-screen'.

TV surround pinched from some CD or other.
TV surround pinched from some CD or other.TV surround pinched from some CD or other.
TV surround pinched from some CD or other.

Just use the pull-down list thing, the Flash animation or scrolling box thing above to navigate my pages. Hovering on an icon below brings up more info. Finally there's text links and another banner at the bottom of the page.

These link icons will take you to my standard web pages. Explore and enjoy!Click all you like, you're already here!The latest news on your favourite site! Updates, changes, confussed gossip. It's all here!Pap or Zap!? I'd like to know about the type of visitors my site is getting and what you all think of it.The Sofa of Fun! A electric-eclectic mix, including Paul's picture of the week and some extreme views on Sheep.
I love Jonathan Creek for the wonderful riddles at it's heart. I don't love it for Alan Davies's hair. I don't suffer from hair envy. I just wanted to be 100% clear on that.Arty Farty stuff. This page includes pictures I've drawn and floor-lamps I've made. I am available for commissions. Few are prepared to take the risks involved. Bond Bug-gery Page, featuring my bizarre 1970's micro car.
Dog Faced Boy! A remarkable collection of stuff from the brain of Paul, including various writings and some noises I have made. It's far better than it sounds.A selection of my columns for the Computer Trade Magazine INDIE. And yes, they do pay me for this rubbish.Aylesbury with Bob and Curly. The rich history & architecture of this Buckinghamshire town, as seen by two teddy bears. Bizarre, yet somehow strangely compelling.Naked 'Photo Album. What has Madeira to offer, what to see in Corfu, a nice bit of Wales and some weird pictures I've taken over the years.Judith's Bears of Doom! The ex-girlfriends huge Teddy collection! Tremble at their names! Niffy! Curly! Bobster! Elvis! Read about their evil plans for world domination.
The E-mporium Online shop page, where you can buy Paul Smith related items, such as T-Shirts, Mousemats, Posters, Books, Mugs or the ultimate gift for Her, a Fridge-Friesian!The Monkey Story! It's rare for me to post someone elses work on my site, but I liked this tale so much, I just couldn't resist putting up a special page for Other Peoples Stuff.The Too Much Time On My Hands page. Very odd pictures I took during a dull moment or twoMy fine DVD Collection. Your chance to see the sort of thing I like to curl up on the sofa and lose myself in.What do I look like? The Yellow Pages? Oh ok then. Click here for some background info about my site.

These icons are my special links to all sorts of silly stuff.The Wicken Man. Click here to discover why I can burn policemen if I want to.Portraits of the not-so-rich-and-famous. And twisted old me.Art of the Phoenix TrailLondon to Brighton bike ride for The British Heart Foundation. Frankly, it hurt my arse.
Click to see what I like to call 'Me'diaDiscover the things which make me go 'Mmmmmm' and 'aaarrrgggh!'Right a bitTired tongue? Click here for my unique (or so I believe) Internet-based automatic postage stamp licker!Left a bitClick for the ultimate Quiz ExperienceCookery tips from the master!
Views from the place I call home Furry Friends! A word of warning. If you don't like things with eight legs, this is not the page for you. Dear mother of God, no!F.A.Q's Page.There ARE several secret pages on my site, but this ISN'T a link to them. Good luck and happy hunting!This is actually the 'Missing Link' Page. Click here!
The 'Well-Sound' Page of audio delights. Not.Click here to visit my weird Web-Cam pages.CLICK HERE RIGHT NOW!Click here to visit the 'Book of the Day / Week / Month / Whatever' page.Please click here to see 'The Picture of the Month'.
To read Flannan Isle by Gibson, just click here.My motoring tastes have changes wildly over the last few years. Click here to see just how wildly!Stowe House and its gardens near Buckingham have been called 'The largest work of art in Europe'. Click here to find out why.To see the art of the Chiltern Sculpture Trail, CLICK NOW!Click here for some of my pictures of Bekonscot, a wondeful model village near the M40 in Buckinghamshire.
Just click here to read all about: I, Geocacher. No links to the left? Click here to see the frames version of my site.Links to the left that you'd rather not have? Click here to see the non-frames version of my site.E-mail me. If you can't workout what this is for, I'd rather not have you near my site. Ok?

These icons are my links to other handy things.Web Design Business Pages.Main 'Opening' Index!

Flash link fun:

Quote of the Day/Week/Month/Whatever

"All you have to do is act like normal people, and they can't tell the difference. You just talk with them about the dull things they're interested in, and they eat it up. It's no trick at all to imitate them." - J.A. Meyer

Links of the Day/Week/Month/Whatever

Internal:
August 31st 2002. A little 1,065k 'prequel' I made with my Fuji A201 digicam and MGI software. It was shot at a microcar rally and can be downloaded by clicking here.

Or, perhaps click here for a 2Mb home movie I shot on Super8 in about 1992. It's 'rewarding'.

Click here to visit Mil (yes, it is a funny name isn't it?) Millington's great site. It's now also a book. Oh yes it is.

External:
A very amusing web page about a guys arguments with his German girlfriend can be found by clicking on this text. Now it's also a book! In a word: Damn. (I wish I was this funny)

Sexy new site of the Day/Week/Month/Whatever

Click here to visit the official Chiltern Sculpture Trail web site, wot I wrote.
ChilternSculptureTrail.co.uk.
Enjoy your visit to this official site
which I wrote. Or try here.

Really Good Book of the Day/Week/Month/Whatever

This feature now has
a page all of its own.
'Are You Dave Gorman' by Dave Gorman [YES] and Danny Wallace [NO] is a top-notch book. Click here to hear all about it
Clicking this text link
will take you there.

Ugly mug of the Day/Week/Month/Whatever

Click here to visit www.FriendsReunited.co.uk and see this picture 'in situ'.
Above is the banner from the top of the well-known Friends Reunited web site where old school chums can brag. Take a look at the woman near the middle. Just what is going on with her face?! There's an enlargement below to make my point even more clearly:
Click here to visit www.FriendsReunited.co.uk and gawp at the freaks.

[ LINKS TO STANDARD PAGES ¬
WHAT'S NEW PAGES
FEEDBACK PAGE
THE SOFA OF FUN PAGE
FLASH MOVIE PAGE
JONATHAN CREEK PAGE
ARTY FARTY PAGE
THE WHEELS OF FIRE PAGE
BOND BUG-GERY PAGE
DOG FACED BOY PAGE
INDIE MAGAZINE PAGES
AYLESBURY WITH BOB & CURLY
THE NAKED PHOTO ALBUM
JUDITH'S BEARS OF DOOM PAGE
'THE E-MPORIUM' ONLINE SHOP
THE MONKEY STORY PAGE
TOO MUCH TIME ON MY HANDS
DVD COLLECTION PAGE
THE INFORMATION PAGE

[ OTHER HANDY LINKS ¬
E-MAIL ME
'OPENING' INDEX PAGE
FRAMES!
NO FRAMES!
SPECIAL LINK: CRAZY PAGE

[ LINKS TO SPECIAL PAGES ¬
THE WICKEN MAN
PORTRAITS
PHOENIX TRAIL ART
L2B BIKE RIDE
PAUL IN THE MEDIA
THINGS I LOVE / THINGS I HATE
INTERNET STAMP LICKER
WONDERFUL QUIZ PAGE
COOKING WITH P. SMITH
HOME PAGE
THE VIDEORAMASCOPE PAGE
THE 'FURRY FRIENDS' PAGE
THE F.A.Q.s PAGE
THE MISSING LINK FEATURE
THE WELL-SOUND FEATURE
WEB-CAM PAGE
CLICK HERE!
BOOK OF THE WHATEVER
PICTURE OF THE MONTH
FLANNAN ISLE - A POEM
CONTRAST PAGE
STOWE PIX PAGE
CHILTERN SCULPTURE TRAIL
BEKONSCOT MODEL VILLAGE
I, GEOCACHER
RANDOM PAGE

[ BUSSINESS PAGE LINKS: WEB DESIGN PAGE T-SHIRTS PAGE

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You can also use the text links above or
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Really really small print:
*Please note, if you're using a crappy old browser which doesn't support frames, you won't see the lovely links to the left. Just use the picture or text links dotted around instead. If somehow you got here and your browser does do The Frames Thing, click this text. And now for the dullest bit. All these pages, text and images are the intellectual copyrighted product of Paul Smith © 2003 and cannot be copied in part or as a whole without my agreement. If you do, I shall l pursue you to the ends of the Earth and gun you down in cold blood like the dog you are. I hope you're happy with that.