SHOPOHOLICS

T H E
E - M P O R I U M
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O N L I N E
S H O P

THE PLACE ON THE 'NET FOR
BIZARRE OVER-PRICED RUBBISH.

Shop with ease with these diamondeque links:

T-ShirtsT-Shirts to shock and amaze your so-called friends
Mugs for mugsMugs to make you the envy of impressionable people
PostersStunning posters to thrill the hardest to thrill people!
Mouse matsMouse mats painfully handcrafted from real mice!*
My BookMy book, in all is greatness and awe-inspiring majesty.
Fridge-FriesianConvert your Fridge-Freezer into a Fridge-Friesian!
I give great Easter Island HeadOwn your own Easter Island Head sculpture. Oh yes.

Only genuine © T-Shirts are available in Small, Medium, Large, Extra Large, Extra Extra Large, and 'Standard American' sizes.

T-Shirt #1. MY TONGUE IS BOTH MY BEST FRIEND AND MY WORST ENEMY - Click here for more Arty Farty pictures T-Shirt #2. BOB a.k.a. THE BOBSTER - Click here for more of Judith's Bears of Doom pictures T-Shirt #3. BOMB AYLESBURY - Click here for more Arty Farty pictures T-Shirt #4. THE VILLAGE PEOPLE WANT YOU - Click here for more Arty Farty pictures T-Shirt #5. WARNING: EVIL INSIDE - Click here for more Arty Farty pictures T-Shirt #6. MARILYN'S HEAD IN A JAR - Click here for more Arty Farty pictures
T-Shirt #7-Front. DIE, DI. T-Shirt #7-Back. DIE, DI. (REAR) T-Shirt #10. BALD MEN ARE PEOPLE TOO T-Shirt #14. KISS MY FURRY ARACHNID BUTT - Click here for more spider photos T-Shirt #13. PAUL SMITH LOGO (I could get in trouble for this one, but dammit, it IS my name too! Click here to complain about it if you want to.) T-Shirt #12. THE FORCE IS STRONG IN THIS ONE - Click here to see what I get up to when I've got TOO MUCH TIME ON MY HANDS. T-Shirt #15. WELL SOUND - Click here to see why T-Shirt #17. STOP ME IF YOU'RE A DAVE GORMAN - Click here to find out who Dave Gorman is. T-Shirt #18. PASSPORT PHOTO HELL - Click here for more Arty Farty pictures T-Shirt #19. BARCELONA HEADS - Click here for more views from Barcelona T-Shirt #22. EVIL INSIDE T-Shirt #23. BARCELONA STREET ART - Click here for more views from Barcelona

All T-Shirts are 100% cotton and are machine washable.
(Because of the nature of the transfer, caution must be used when ironing.)

All T-Shirts featured are priced at £9.99 each, plus £2.00 postage and packaging to an address in the UK. Please allow 28 days for delivery.

NOTE! ANY of my own images from this site are available on a T-Shirt. Please E-mail me your requests or for more information.

If you enjoyed this selection of fine garments, click here to see a wider range of
t-shirts on my PAUL SMITH'S T-SHIRTS OF TASTE AND DISTINCTION page.

With a small smile, I offer you, my public, the chance to own your very own '' Mug.

MUG #1. BACK OFF, I'M A CYCLE-PATH MUG #2. TAKE ME TO YOUR LEADER

Genuine © Mugs are available in one size only. All Mugs featured are 100% ceramic, are dishwasher machine safe and are priced at £6.99 each, plus £2.00 postage and packaging to an address in the UK. Please allow 28 days for delivery.

NOTE! ANY of my own images from this site are available on a Mug. Please E-mail me your requests or for more information.

Original © posters up to A3 in size (that's as big as my Epson Photo 1270 printer goes) of any of my sites images (at least those I own the copyright on) are available on request. Prices are from just £9.99 each! Take a look below and at my Arty Farty Page or Naked Photo Album pages for more ideas.

Captions can be added!Moods reflected.Image effects can be usedThe Green Man - The name of the pub in The Wicker ManBadgers Dated. (Like Badger Baiting, but kinder to the Badger.) This one is from 1978 I think.Flesh is of interest.Portrait commissions undertakenAutomotive studies a specialityNo job too big! ;-)Moments captured.No location too exotic!Taste is my middle nameDead people spoofed (It's quite legal I'm told.)Editing of images something of a specialityE-Mail me at a good moment to talk about your requirementsOverseas jobs taken...I hope!Naughty Bears photographed 'in the act'Lost ruins discovered.tongues airedGraphic Design as well as photography. Is there no beginning to my talents?Cool designs R meCastles sacked (for gross misconduct.)I have a thing for Heavenly BodiesAngles exploredUnique vision of beautyI am envious.The sky is the limit. And puns really ARE the limit, aren't they!I like treesI never forgot how to do thisMy motorThee heads are better than two.My prices aren't inflated.Grave momentFor a better look, visit my INDIE PAGEPosing high in the mountainsBathtime for BonzoTaken on my 30th BirthdayThe light fantastic.The Folly near Dinton in Bucks. A better picture is on my 'Naked' Photo Album' page.I still like treesKit car fun The Jag from aboveBo and Ben :-)They came, they saw, they played conkers.If you want to get ahead... (These hats are on my 'Naked' Photo Album too.)

I have an ambition of sorts to become a commercial photographer. I have all these ideas for marketing campaigns, greetings cards and what can broadly be called art buzzing around in my head. A smart person, seeing this site, may wish to tap into those creative thoughts. A dumb person may wish to steal ideas from these pages. If that happens, rest assured you will die a slow painful death from something embarrassing. If you fall into the first, smarter group, E-mail me at once with offers of piles of cash!

Again, cloth covered Mouse-mats with any © image are available. E-mail me to talk about your needs!

Paul goes 'Tango' in Madeira... as a Mousemat

Priced to sell at just £4.99 each plus £1.00 postage and packaging, these mouse mats are a practical, long lasting gift for someone you don't much care for.

I, ©, am proud to my teeth to announce that my first book of collected writings is now available. Titled Paul Smith - Unleashes his bile, this unique book contains my hastily written output for Indie Magazine, plus such gems as The Tale Of The Dog Faced Boy, my BBC** sitcom script called Last Week and my Jonathan Creek based stories. Please note, the characters in the stories are the creation, on the whole, of David Renwick, and no copyright infringement is intended.

Paul Smith unleashes his bile is a collection of my diverse writings for Indie Magazine and other odds-and-sods. All yours for less than Twelve Pounds delivered! (Within the UK)

Offered at the bargain price of £9.99, plus £2.00 postage and packaging to an address in the UK, this limited (one suspects, very limited) edition publication will, one day, be totally worthless. Sorry. If you still want to invest your hard earned cash in this tome, you'll have to allow 28 days for delivery, which should be just long enough for me to recover from shock.

In a breakthrough technological leap forward, I, ©, am delighted to be able to offer a Fridge-Freezer to Fridge-Friesian conversion kit. It comprises pre-cut self adhesive panels to beautify any cool (i.e. Fridge, freezer, fridge-freezer combo, chest freezer, etc.) surfaced domestic appliance. Literally several fun hours can be spent deciding where to place the transfers. Afterwards, chuckle as you put milk in it!

Fridge-Freezer to Fridge-Friesian conversion kit for less than ten pounds? It's crazy I tell you!

This great kit, complete with easy-to-follow instructions, is available for just £9.99, plus £2.00 postage and packaging to an address in the UK. Please allow up to 28 days for delivery, as per usual.

Easter Island Head Self Portrait by ©!

Easter Island Moai style self portrait of Paul, by Paul, for Paul. Self obsession taken to the next level. Bring it on!

This piece of exquisite sculpture was created from a lump of discarded building waste by careful application of a screwdriver. Ideal for home or garden (although its porous nature means it's in danger from frost damage, I should think) each one will be unique. With several photographs of a subject, taken from different angles, I should be able to make a similar Easter Island Head format portrait of them. Cool eh? Artworks similar to this hand crafted, 25cm tall head are available from just £39.99, plus £4.50 postage and packaging to an address in the UK. Again, please allow up to 28 days for delivery.

Click here for a bit of 360° Easter Island Head based fun.

How To Place Your Order:

I don't accept this . Or this. Sorry

I can't accept any cards at the moment,
which makes something of a mockery
of having an online shop really.

If you really, really want something off of this page, E-mail me and I'm sure we'll be able to sort something out. I guess you could send me a cheque or something. And yes, a discount on postage and packaging is given for orders of three items or more at the same time.


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*This is not 100% true.
**Rejected, but hey, it was written specifically for them!