V I D E O R A M A S C O P E

Putting the vowels back into cnmtgrphy.

The falling standard of television is mostly to blame for this web page.

Early in 2002, I thought about buying a camcorder. Above is the result, my Panasonic NV-DS27B Mini Digital Video Camera. It has lots of funky features to distract me while I pay for it over 10 months, interest-free. Also above are my trusty Casio QV-8000SX and Fuji A201 which, along with my other Fuji digicam, can record little AVI movies (without sound) onto their memory cards. This is rather limited - because each sequence can only be a few seconds in length - But add the editing features of MGI's (now owned by Roxio) excellent VideoWAVE software and the World is my thingy! I've just about mastered compressing video down to tiny files, (MPEGs seem to give the best mix of compatibility, clarity and compressed file size, I've discovered) and some snippets have been posted below for your viewing pleasure... Please note: These are large files and may take a while to download unless you're a flash bugger with Broadband. Even when you've got the file, they won't play well unless you have a decent computer with a reasonable graphics card. People visiting my site with a 486 should pack up their connection and sod off home. Or, better still, take the plunge and buy a new PC, or if you're strange and beautiful, a Mac. LITTLE INDEXY BIT: Prehistoric Super-8 film clips 2001 - General digital camera clips 2002 - General video/digicam clips 2002 - 25Mb of Barking Barcelona! 2002 - Paul goes wild in Rhodes 2002 - My great Alton Towers trip 2003 - General video/web/digicam clips 2003 - My grand Italian adventure 2003 - My grand Scottish adventure

Prehistoric Super-8 film clips Somewhere around 1992? Click here or the icon above to download a whopping great 7.9Mb Mpeg file. Why is it so big? Because it's well over 2 minutes long! As a word of explanation, I bought a silent Agfa Moviematic C100 Super-8 cine-camera and projector/player at a Car Boot sale some time in the early 90's. I used it once, properly, and the result (edited with 3rd Millennium DVT technology) is now here for you to enjoy. You'll gasp as I use stop-motion, jump-cuts, elegant camera work and a frantic frenetic style of story-telling. It's a pity that the story I chose to tell was one as weak as 'What a strange dream', but there you go. I should thank the 'actor' who appears in it, but I really can't remember his name. I also experimented with some film by drawing on frames of it in an avant-garde animation stylee. The results were sadly shit. Such, I accept, is the very nature of experimentation. If downloading a bloated, wobbly 7.9Mb file represents too much of a time-investment for you, use this link to see a smaller 2.5Mb .WMV file. Return to the Little Indexy Bit. 2001 digital camera clips Before I bought my camcorder in 2002, I'd experimented with the video feature of a couple of my digital cameras. Below are some silent results.
April 2001 - Super-7s racing at Snetterton. 2,240k - 10 seconds - High resolution silent video shot with my trusty Casio camera.	September 2001 - Roundabout from the roof of the Aylesbury County Council Offices building. 607k - 10 seconds - Poor quality, sadly.
Summer 2001* maybe - 360 degree view taken near my favourite trees! 819k - 7 seconds - Medium quality. *Actually it might have been 2002.	October 2001 - Judith wobbles her bottom for my new Fuji A201 camera. 1,195k - 20 seconds - Medium quality (the film, not J's...)
Return to the Little Indexy Bit. 2002 video/digicam clips
January 2002 Click here or the icon above to download a 2Mb AVI file of Judith and my trip to Waylands Smithy, an ancient tomb near the famous Uffington White Horse, in the vale of the same name near Oxford.	January 2002 Click here or on the icon above to download a silent 611Kb WMV (Windows Media Video) file taken with my Casio camera. It's about the trip shopping makes from the shelf to the car boot. It's a million-to-one chance, but you 'might just like it!'
January 2002 Click here or on the icon, left, to download a silent 480Kb MPEG file taken with my Casio camera. It's about the joy of Isle Surfing, and features my ex Judith (by that I mean she's an ex-girlfriend, not an ex-Judith. She's not changed her name or anything like that) showing the world just how it should be done. With thanks to our local branch of Tesco for making this film possible. They didn't actually know anything about it, but I still feel a debt of gratitude to them.
April 2002 Click here or the icon above to download a great (in my own humble opinion) 25.1Mb(!) / 168(!) second .MPG file of me having fun in the amazing, vivid, stunning city of Barcelona! No wizzy connection? Try here for a little 2.08Mb .WMV highly compressed file of the same 168 second 'clip'.
March 2002 Click here or on the icon above to download a 1.76Mb Real Media file taken with my camcorder's zero-light recording feature as I slept. (N.B. You'll need the Real Player software to be able to see it.)	July 2002 Click here or on the icon above to download a 400Kb MPEG silent file taken with my Casio camera's video recording feature at Claydon House in Bucks on Saturday the 13th. It's a lot less bother with a...
August 2002 Click here or on the icon above to download a charming 3.1Mb/57 second MPEG movie taken on holiday in Rhodes. Swoon as Paul sings Born to be Wild whilst travelling at break-neck speed on a wheeled death-trap / scooter!	August 2002 Click here for a hi-res. 1,065k/4 second MPEG movie (or here for a 'mini' 231k version) taken at a Microcar Rally, exactly 5 years after the death of Diana. See how The Italian Job could have looked if it'd been made in 1957. See more from that day on my Bond Bug-gery page.
Other microcar video clips from August 31st 2002: Microcar1.avi - 777k/4s: Unedited version of the 'How The Italian Job could have looked if it had been made back in 1957' file seen above. Microcar2.avi - 886k/5s: An 8mm-esque-home-movie style video clip. HomeMovie.mpg - 1,461k edited version of the file above. See minute green automotive fun. Includes a sound! Bug.avi - 1,144k/7s: Featuring 3 Bugs and an even stranger wee car. Bug.mpg - Slow 'net connection? This little 440k file is the one to look at. MY GREAT ALTON TOWERS TRIP October 2002 Click here for a brilliant (if I say so myself) 2,097k/35 second MPEG film shot at Alton Towers. Originally a silent movie, it was taken with my wee Fuji A201 digital camera and edited with my ever funky VideoWAVE 4 software. For those with a fast connection, here's a clearer 8Mb (approx.) version, with the same great Directors Commentary!
Click here to see a 993k silent MPEG of the awesome Nemesis ride at Alton Towers. It's so violent I dared not use my camera on it!	Click here to download a 1.7Mb / 30 second MPEG file of the AIR ride at Alton Towers. You'll giggle as you seem to swoop over the Earth like a giant happy bat. Um. Something like that anyway. It's silent because it was shot with my Fuji Digital camera.
Return to the Little Indexy Bit. October 2002 Click here to get a silent 247Kb / 2 second (or infinite, if used correctly) MPEG video taken with my Fuji A201, which shows off just how big my house is. If you watch it long enough, the sun does eventually set, I promise*. (Make sure your .MPG player is set on loop or repeat to get the full effect of this film). Here you'll see, if you look very closely, my Marilyn-Monroe's-Head-In-A-Jar picture - as mentioned on my Arty Farty Page - as well as one of my many Mathmos lava lamps. And some trousers.
October 2002 Click here to download a 1.254Mb Mpeg film shot in the lovely Cornish village of Mousehole (pronounced Mou-zawll) during some rough weather with my Fuji. Thus you can't hear the thump of the waves or the crashing-hiss of the spray...	October 2002 Click here to get a 1.259Mb / 11 second Mpeg video file taken in Mousehole's neighbouring village; Paul! See me become The Amazing Self-Captioning Man, simply by standing besides a road sign... NOW WITH GREAT ADDED VOICE-OVER!
More from my Devon & Cornwall trip can be found on my Naked Photo Album - Wild-Wild-West Country Page. October 2002 Click here for a wee 603Kb movie of trees. Sinister, evil damn trees. I've never liked them. Dirty great things, stalking about, killing lead singers of 70's Glam Rock bands... Oh, and I'm in it too. Sorry. See more of these trees on my Home Page. December 2002 Click here to see a daft 21 second / 2.3Mb movie about running around underground. It was the 8th of the month, and my mate Gavin and I, plus his two children, went to explore the very scary Hellfire Club caves at West Wycombe, in Bucks... December 2002 Click here for a brief 531Kb / 4 sec. silent movie which proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that Dinosaurs still walk the Earth!
Return to the Little Indexy Bit. 2003 video/web/digicam clips
March 2003 Click here or the icon above to download a 3.15Mb / 95 second AVI file of me reciting Lewis Carroll's The Jabberwocky. MY GRAND ITALIAN ADVENTURE
March 2003 Click here or the icon above to download a 4Mb / 52 second MPEG video taken in the charming surroundings of Luton Airport. See me surprise Gavin in a nice way. Enjoy his reaction to the news that I'm treating him to a trip to Italy. I know. I'm all heart.	March 2003 Click here or the icon above to download a 1.7Mb / 30 second MPEG video of some high altitude hijinks on board our RyanAir flight to Milan. What crazy mothers we are. If you'd rather have something a little smaller, here's a 300k / 5 second version.
March 2003 Click here or the icon above to download a 1.1Mb / 20 second MPEG video of our plane flying over the Alps on the way to Italy.	March 2003 Click here or the icon above to download a 556kb / 9 second MPEG video of one of Milan's famous Trams. In S T E R E O !
March 2003 Click here or the icon above to download a 5.2Mb / 69 second MPEG video of the type of thing I get up to if left alone in front of a mirror for too long.
March 2003 Click here or the icon above to download a 1.9Mb / 35 second MPEG video taken in the lovely Hotel Rio in Milan. WARNING! This video contains some swearing due to the ferocity of the lift and is suitable for those aged EIGHTEEN PLUS only. So there.	March 2003 Click here or the icon above to download a 1Mb / 19 second MPEG video of something I didn't really like the idea of on the menu at our hotel. It is a rude word, but I think you're big enough and tough enough to make up your own mind about it's suitability for a family audiance.
At this point my camcorder battery went flat, so the following Italian Adventure clips are silent, taken with one of the digicams I had on me.
March 2003 Click here or the icon above to download a 3Mb / 20 second silent AVI video taken in the main square (sorry, piazza) of Milan, Italy.	March 2003 Click here or the icon above to download a 250Kb / 4 second silent MPEG file of a little luggage van at the 'Airporto' in Bergamo, Italy.
March 2003 Click here or the icon above to download a 3.8Mb / 27 second silent AVI video of Piazza Vecchia in Bergamo which the French writer Stendhal called 'The most beautiful place on Earth - the prettiest I have ever seen'. He was a bit generous, but it is very picturesque.	March 2003 Click here or the icon above to download a 3Mb / 20 second silent AVI video of our plane from Italy making a rough landing back at Luton. For a moment I thought we'd bounce right back into the air... ...But we didn't.
See more from this trip on my Naked Photo Album - Milan and/or Bust Page. Return to the Little Indexy Bit.
April 2003 Click here or the icon above to download a 1.5Mb / 17 second MPEG video of me arsing about with a Plymouth Fury I'd turned into a US Highway Patrol car for some film project my brother was somehow involved with.	April 2003 Click here or the icon above to download a 0.98Mb / 17 second MPEG video of me continuing to have some fun with this US Highway Patrol car I'd spent the day detailing. See me take out a CCTV camera with a single shot...
More of the car above can be found on my Portraits Page.
April 2003 Click here or the icon above to download a 537Kb / 7 second MPEG video of me charging up, and leaping from, this work of art. More of this piece (A Platform for Self-Elevation by Jonathan Griffin) and many more sculptures can be found on my Chiltern Sculpture Trail Page.	April 2003 Click here or the icon above to download a 273Kb / 3 second MPEG video of me enjoying this work of art in a care-free way. More of this sculpture and many others can be found on my well regarded Chiltern Sculpture Trail Page.
Return to the Little Indexy Bit. I wouldn't usually include other peoples stuff on my site, but this video of George W. Bush and Tony Blair singing Endless Love tickled me enough to add it to this page.
May 2003 Click here or the icon above for a 174Kb / 2 second AVI video of the monument on top of Coombe Hill, which overlooks The Vale of Aylesbury. It was shot using a new technique I've developed for the official Chiltern Sculpture Trail site, which I'm writing at the moment. Go on, go and have a look.	May 2003 Click here or the icon above for a 432Kb / 3 second AVI video of this piece, Coming Ready Or Not by Chlöe Brown, which was made as a part of my work on official web site for the Chiltern Sculpture Trail. It's an example of Rotorscoping, a method I've used to show the 3D nature of the sculptures.
May 2003 Click here or the icon above for a 6.3Mb / 85 second MPEG silent video of a free ride in a helicopter I blagged whist at one of my dad's autojumbles. If you don't know what an autojumble is, buy a good dictionary.	May 2003 Click here or the icon above for a 6.1Mb / 69 second MPEG video of the diddy trains at Bekonscot model village. Luckily they were running while I was there. Earlier there'd been held up by a leaf on the line...
July 2003 Click here or the icon, left, for a 590Kb / 6 second silent MPEG video of one of the ikkle trains at Bekonscot model village. Gasp as I seem to dice with death to get the shot I wanted! In fact, I did almost get a £400 camera knackered taking this video. It's my pleasure to be able to bring it to you, the unwashed masses, here.
June 2003 Click here or the icon above for a silent 304Kb / looped 2 second AVI video of the Mill at Brill in Bucks being rapidly orbited.	June 2003 Click here or the icon, left, for a silent 331Kb / looped AVI video of an Easter Island Head Self Portrait Sculpture I made this month. Sad, but tragically true.
Return to the Little Indexy Bit. MY GRAND SCOTTISH ADVENTURE
July 2003 Click here or the icon above for a 1Mb / 9 second MPG video of my thoughts on 'The Falls of Foyers' near Loch Ness.	July 2003 Click here for a 888Kb / 70 second WMV video taken at John o'Groats. Discover how moved I was by being such a very long way North.
July 2003 Click here for a 6Mb / 83 second MPG file of my discovery of Doune Castle, where a very famous Monty Python scene was filmed, or here for a small WMV file of the same clip.	July 2003 Click here or the icon above for a 528Kb / 40 second WMV video of 'events' when I got my hands on some 'Monty Python' coconuts. It's tragic how little things amuse me.
July 2003 Terror at 30,000 feet! Click here or the icon above for a 5.97Mb / 81 second MPG video of me bottling it just short of 3,000 feet up Ben Nevis. I did push on to 3,000ft, but I went no further for fear of meeting a Giant Squid. You'll just have to watch the clip to learn why. In a hurry? Click here for a little 538Kb .WMV file of the same clip.	July 2003 Click here or the icon above for a 2.82Mb / 39 second MPG video of me philosophising at around 2,000 feet up Ben Nevis. I was on my way down after 'giving up' at 3,000ft. You'll just have to watch the other clip to learn why. Och, if you're in a hurry, click here for a wee 264Kb .WMV file of the same bonny clip. See you, Jimmy?
See more of my Grand Scottish Adventure on the Naked Photo Album - Holiday North of the Border page. It's the only way you can be truly happy... Return to the Little Indexy Bit.
August 2003 Click here or the icon above for a 2.3Mb / 31 second mono MPG video of some of my friends (Gavin-Bearded/Ewa-Blonde/John-'Bugger') attacking Herstmonceux Castle in a Medieval style. They're members of a re-enactment society. (Or here for a 220Kb WMV file of the same clip, for people in a hurry!)	Due in 2880 Click here or the icon above for a 262Kb / 3 second looped MPG video of a big lump of rock which may hit Earth in 2880. Not filmed by me, as I don't have the right equipment, i.e. Some sort of radar-imaging thing, I guess. Edited from a much larger file found on the Internet by me though, which may just count.
September 2003 Click here or the icon above for a 22.5Mb(!) / 151(!) second MPG video of me fooling about in my kit car. It was the last of the good weather in September 2003 and I was bored. As per usual. One handy download of On Days Like These by Matt Monro (as used over the opening credits with Miura and mountains on The Italian Job) and a bungy-cord for the tripod later and I was all set for a bit of movie-making madness. No T3 connection? Click here for a 1.88Mb .WMV file of the same 2.5 minute 'clip'. (Epic?)	September 2003 Click here or the icon / picture above for a 8.6Mb / 57 second MPG video of me fooling about in my kit car. Again. It was the very last of the good weather in September 2003 and I was still bored. One free DVD of a famous short French film from Top Gear Magazine for taking out a subscription and a firm anchor for the tripod later and I was set for a bit of 'Rendezvous-style' quick car craziness. No speedy connection? Try here for a crappy little 732Kb .WMV file of the same 57 second clip.
Return to the Little Indexy Bit.
October 2003 Click here or the icon above for a 5Mb / 195(!) second AVI video of a Mathmas Lava Lamp doing its thing. To complete the experience, there's a cover of Radiohead's Creep being sung by 'Galactic Achievement Society' over the visuals. Enjoy.	October 2003 Click here or the icon above for a 3.65Mb / 24 second MPG video of me re-enacting Derren Brown's 'Russian Roulette' stunt/illusion, filmed with my new Fiji S5000 camera! Or here for a smaller 871Kb AVI of the same gore-splattered clip.
October 2003 Click here or the icon above for a 1.19Mb / 8 second MPG video of some of the standing stones in Avebury, Wiltshire, which I shot while Geocaching. Or click here for a smaller 385Kb AVI of the same rocky clip. It may be dull, but at least it's short.
Return to the Little Indexy Bit.

A GENUINE WARNING: Don't forget kids, too much television can make you go mental.	WEB CAM PAGE: Click here to connect with my Web Cam Page, and see me move my head!
STOWE PIX PAGE: Click here to visit one of my favourite places, Stowe House just north of Buckingham.

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*A lie. Ha! So sue me, buster.